Can Personal Change Really be that Simple?

LIFE LEADERSHIP DIGEST – Article by Steve Trivett

Whether we realise it or not, we learn to live in a world of our own creation. You won’t always be conscious of it happening in every moment of your existence because the learning processes are managed unconsciously by your brain and nervous system.  If you want to take responsibility for this learning then you have to become aware of your way of being in the world. To develop your brain’s “plasticity” you have to adopt the simple principle – that knowing requires doing.  

If you hesitate to take positive action your mind and body will quickly resist by generating self-doubt and a fear of discomfort. If you fail to act on your intention for even a few seconds, your mind defaults to old ways of thinking. If you commit to learning from your actions you will intuitively know where to focus your daily practice because you see and feel it working. Forget about analysing past causes and focus on the benefits you can gain instead,  just by having the courage to test out new ways of behaving and learning from your mistakes.

What’s required is a change in lifestyle, one that explores possibilities and embraces uncertainty as a fact of life.  You learn to cope with the disruption created as just something you have to deal with. When the long-distance swimmer Lewis Pugh was asked how he dealt with stinging jellyfish, he said: “there can be no goal of any value that doesn’t involve pain. I accept it as unavoidable and move on.”  You have to be fully committed and resilient to the pain in pursuing a goal that matters to you.

Is it that simple?

Well, not quite. You have to make a distinction between functional (outside-in) constraints, such as your environmental conditions and your thinking (inside-out) constraints such as anxiety or fear.  Yes, emotions are important as they come from thoughts and drive commitment.  They are the “mediators” that determine the strength of your intentions and actions.

What our senses experience is just data that the brain processes and adds emotional content. You cannot control what you observe at any moment, but you can choose how you interpret it and record it. It then becomes part of your life story, stored as a mini “movie” of what happened from your point of view. How you produce and direct your interpretation will depend on the language you use, which will be influenced by your intentions at the time. You are naturally  “future-focused” in the way you assess your actions as this aligns you with the way neuroscientists tell us our brain works.

The thinking and its emotional associations are predicted by the brain and nervous system before you act. The learning is not in what actually happened, that’s just “as is”, but how you interpret the errors in what you expected are then resolved. As a human being, you are seldom motivated by past causes, more by the possibility of moving towards goals that you have set for yourself to satisfy your immediate concerns. Focus on this innate human capacity you have to renew your commitment to change, not analyse what you did wrong. Sh*t happens. Don’t repeat the error, learn from it so you can move on quickly and serve a deeper intention.

Life is only complicated if we choose to see it that way. Simple actions can have unintended consequences, but they have to be dealt with now even if the causes are complex or unknown.

What’s lifestyle got to do with it?

How you choose to lead your life depends on how you see the world – your worldview. It reflects how you tend to think and act to get meaning from what you are experiencing, your way of being and life purpose. This may mean you are choosing a pessimistic or optimistic view of what you observe, which means you can change it if you choose to.

You cannot change the race, nationality, culture and home environment you grew up in, nevertheless, you can still choose the kind of person you will be and become, aware of the constraints of that environment. How you choose to lead your life is your responsibility as this becomes your lifestyle or way of being.  Change brings risks and anxieties, but not changing can bring disappointment, regret, resentment and resignation. That’s why change takes courage as you are taking action to change your lifestyle will give your life more meaning. You facing facts, exploring new possibilities and embracing an uncertain future.

The past has gone. Don’t hold on to it. It’s what you do in-the-moment that is your future. You may not be able to forget the past or avoid its consequences, but you can clarify its value to you.

Take a few minutes to listen to this talk by Mel Robbins and discover how simple it can be to make a change in your life if you act to serve your intention without hesitation. Thoughts and emotions become habits that get in the way of your goals.

“All knowing is doing and doing is knowing”  – Humberto Maturana