We embrace uncertainty when we enter into conversations that establish rapport before sharing information or trying to persuade others. To do this we need to foster dialogue, to get at what was meant and establish a shared understanding of each other’s point of view.

Uncertainty arises from ignorance, assumptions and bias, that can lead to disagreements, arguments, confrontation and ultimately conflict if the purpose is to win the argument. 

However, when handled with mutual respect and openness, a dialogue can encourage clarification by suspending assumptions and beliefs to create space for exploring possibilities.  

The need for Deep  Listening?

It’s worth reflecting on the fact that we listen to what is said (language), what is observed (body movement and mood) as well as what is sensed (empathy). We tend to make more sense of from what we observe and feel than the logic in spoken word.

We tend to hear and see what we are looking for. Being aware of what we are listening for can help or hinder our ability to connect. Are the facts verifiable? Do I share the cares and concerns? Can I connect with shared values or a shared future? How does what is said serve my needs and intentions? 

Does what is being said make sense? Take the following statement for example,  “The boss never listens, which makes me angry”. It begs a lot of questions.

When expressing opinions we accept them as polite conversation. But sometimes we need to question the assertion and question it for verifiable facts or public acceptance.

Allowing for Uncertainty

“If we are to live in harmony with ourselves and with nature, we need to be able to communicate freely in a creative movement in which no one permanently holds onto or otherwise defends his own ideas.”  David Bohm

Deep or special listening creates thinking time for new possibilities to emerge. Thoughts that dissolve or blur the boundaries that stop minds from thinking together. It’s skill that can be developed to suspend the assumptions and beliefs that come to mind when entering into dialogue to help the conversation flow and grow into a shared vision to find a better outcome. 

With the acceptance that a new possibility can emerge, the conversation slows and people listen to each other more deeply, looking for shared meanings. Common ground can be found on which to construct new solutions.