Regenerating Moods and Emotions
Creating a mood is a process of emotioning. It plays a key role in achieving empathy, connecting us with others and our environment. This is what cognitive scientist, Humbert Maturana, refers to as “structural coupling”.
We create the emotional state that can become the mood we live in – be it optimistic or pessimistic. Whichever we adopt, will shape the world choose to see and respond to. It shapes our relationships with others and world events.
When we know how your mental life is designed, then emotions associated with uncertainty and ambiguity can be accepted, but do not constrain us. Accepting “what is” can provide the insights and attitudes we need to deliver positive change.
Remember, your ego is just in your thinking. Understanding the nature of thought can stop you losing your balance. For example, stress originates in your thinking. When things are challenging and complex, insights can provide a more productive sense of direction, offering mental freedom and enjoyment to perform at your best..
EMOTIONING
Emotions are dynamic, in that they change constantly in response to external events, sometimes in an instant. Actors know how to emote a feeling by creating an inner movie that comes across as authentic, yet it’s mind controlled. But it takes practice and a great deal of self-control.
Moods on the other hand are emotions that sticks in our thoughts. We can’t seem to shake them off and they can be seen in our posture, language and feelings. They appear to be authentic because they are consistent, but they can result from a specific worry or happy event from the past or fear of a pending disaster or joyous event in the future.
Because we live in mood states all the time, it’s important that we can observe them and understand how they impact on life situations and conversations. Emotions get triggered by surprise events, like a car cutting us up. This emotion usually passes quickly. But if it stays in our thoughts, it hangs around as a mood and impacts on our “way of being”.
If we get stuck in a feeling of annoyance and resentment we can feel it in our gut or the hairs rise on the back of our neck. We are forced to pay attention to these feelings as they are telling us to stop and reflect, take a breath and relax. This stops us reacting without thinking and damaging relationships.
We can become resigned to a feeling, which can lead us into a mood of frustration and anger. For example, we may not want to accept that something is hurting us. But until we accept what has happened and accept that the facts cannot be changed, we are unable to judge the feeling as temporary and move on.
ACCEPTANCE OF EMOTIONS AND MOODS
Feelings ebb and flow. When we don’t judge them they give us insights into our assumptions and triggers. Peace and clarity can be found, when we accept the feeling as just a feeling, learn from its impact on us and move on.
The ability to be optimistic and see an alternative way of seeing and being can stop a negative feeling from becoming a mood and disrupting the flow of normal life.
We naturally wonder what we can do to regain our normal mood of positivity. This process is summarised in the diagram below, based on the work of Professor Alan Sieler, a leading Ontological Coach.
“Moods are predispositions to action that orient us to specific types of behaviour. Accepting something we cannot change enables us to move forward with curiosity and explore opportunities for more productive actions” – Professor Alan Sieler at The Ontological Coaching Institute
Negative emotions can hold us back from being our best selves and from realising our potential. Becoming an emotionally intelligent leader enables us to notice, name and navigate our way around our feelings, making us confident and secure when our psychological safety is threatened.
As a regenerative leader, it is vitally important that we remain rational, not allowing our assumptions to blind us so that they get in the way of our commitment to create a better future. Negative moods play a part in damaging our mental and physical health and well-being.
We can use simple actions to help us ground the perceived facts in our assessments by questioning their logic. It involves exploring the possibility of accepting and practising alternative ways of behaving to see if they work to move us forward.
We should remain open to surprises and the opportunities presented to us by life’s uncertainties. We must keep our hearts and minds open to questions. To have humility and ambition will help us live in a place of gratitude. This obviously take practices such as meditation, exploring alternatives, pausing to reflect and respond counter intuitively.
PAUSE TO REFLECT AND THEN PROCEED
It’s often wise to pause and reflect before we proceed. What impact could a quick judgement have on our reputation to deliver what is most important? Being self-conscious is different from being self-aware. When we express ourselves freely, we allow our insights and opinions to be treated as genuine.
Leadership is like life itself, we are grateful for the chance to be free to change our minds, but we are always having to question if it’s the right thing to do in that moment in that situation.
The way we deal with decisions to regenerate our own lives will be reflected in how we go about creating the conditions to lead others to revisit and question their assumptions.
If we cannot predict the future, it makes sense to pause and wonder, and have conversations when we are as prepared as possible for what could emerge. Remember, people tend to pay attention to what’s important to them at the moment, things they care about in the current situation.
Sharing our gratitude for the things that matter to us and others will help to communicate empathy and resolve concerns. It is then more likely that people will want to show that they care and will commit to delivering actions that enhance their relationships and shared values.
Look at Practices for: Grounding Assessments Dealing with Ontological Constraints Transforming our Way of Being, Making Assessments, Assertions and Declarations.
IMPLICATIONS FOR REGENERATIVE LEADERSHIP
Leadership often takes place in situations where change is resisted, and the environment is volatile, uncertain, complex or ambiguous. Finding ourselves in situations that urgently require leadership can occur spontaneously. We find ourselves being challenged emotionally to express ourselves authentically to engage with what’s happening. It’s as if the context is using us. We find ourselves in the flow of an experience that could consume us or inform us. But as leaders we feel compelled to act to make a difference.
EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY
Glenda Eyong from the HDSI argues that focusing on inquiry rather than advocacy is a helpful way of engaging with the overwhelm and the fears that uncertainty brings. Glenda advocates intuitive questioning and looking for patterns of thinking that infer action from real-time feedback.
This means:
Being comfortable with ambiguity
Remaining open to the unknown
Asking more questions than giving answers
Asking open-ended questions to which we don’t have answers
Being open to surprises and the power of synchronicity
Engaging in ongoing cycles of exploration to seek new learning
Turning judgment into curiosity to create new possibilities
Converting disagreement into a mutual exploration of common ground
Using defensiveness to engage in self-reflection