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Holding Yourself Accountable

LIFE LEADERSHIP DIGEST – Article by Steve Trivett

We are all made of the same elements and capacities that enable us to grow, explore and give meaning to our life journey.  It’s our willingness to question the way we see things and adopt new actions that will change our relationship with the world. This is about our ability to learn and make new distinctions that change our perceptions, actions and the results we then get. However you look at it, we are responsible for our choices.  

Growth happens when new distinctions are made and new insights emerge. You then become aware of your predisposition to act and think in habitual ways. This prevents you from perceiving, understanding and producing a new life to lead. You know what you need to do, so what’s stopping you? Are your reasons just excuses?

Depletions and distractions

The most powerful driver for looking at things in new ways is the realisation that you are being taken off course by everyday distractions that compete for your attention. When your energy level drops, or your mood state becomes pessimistic, you can lose sight of your previously declared commitments.

When you can’t say “no” you can overcommit and fail to do what you know you should be doing. This is when you need conscious triggers to alert you to avoid bad habits so you can stay focused on what really matters to you.

In this seemingly crazy world, events and thoughts compete for attention. As a result, you get sidetracked by what seemed to be important to you at that moment.  You respond unconsciously and experience mini “breakdowns” in the flow of normal life. Knowing what triggers negative emotions and distracts you from doing what you know you should do requires regular practice.

Knowing and Doing

When you ask someone if they understand, and they say “Yes, I see”, they continue with their old way of doing things. You realise that there is often a big gap between knowing and doing. This lack of awareness means we don’t feel we should can be held accountable for what we don’t know. A promise is worth very little until it can be tied down to a specified action to be delivered by a deadline and to an agreed standard. 

“Action is our relationship to everything” –  Bruce Lee

When you commit to independent practice you are learning from action that required both analytical and intuitive thinking. You know something because you embodied the experience and have clarity on how you are internally driven in the way you respond to outside events. As a result, you achieve more consistent results as you are holding yourself accountable to your own standards.

Listen to Marshal Goldsmith as he explains how we distract ourselves with excuses and blame events in the outside world for our lack of discipline. We need triggers to hold ourselves accountable for what we promised ourselves, to understand what is needed to help others be more accountable.

Ask yourself . . .

  1. What thoughts are you paying attention to?
  2. What are the most dominant ones and why?
  3. What questions need to be asked?
  4. What images are being formed in your mind?
  5. What story are you telling yourself?
  6. What ideas are being raised?
  7. What facts are not being faced?
  8. What alternatives need to be considered?
  9. What fears and uncertainties are limiting your choices?

Resources for making new distinctions

Learning is fundamentally a process of making new distinctions that reveal more about a world we were blind to. We begin to see patterns and possibilities that were previously hidden. These new insights cause us to unlearn old habits and create new ways of being.

We adapt by telling ourselves new stories to upgrade or replace old ones. When this type of action learning is mastered it transforms lives. It involves:

  • Becoming aware of a predisposition to think and act in ways that no longer work for us that must be challenged.
  • Reformulating our assumptions with straight questioning, a positive mood and ambitious actions to create a new reality.
  • Exploring and developing new perspectives to produce stories for different life movie.
  • Producing well-grounded assessments to make better decisions and take new actions

What mood state or habitual emotional reactions are contaminating your logical or intuitive thinking?

What resources do you have available to you to make better use of your capacities as a powerful observer? For example, the attitudes, skills and knowledge needed to learn how to:

  • Listen for and question what doesn’t make sense?
  • Look for what’s missing or doesn’t fit the context?
  • Verify an assessment or questioning its logic?
  • Value mistakes, breakdowns and negative moods?
  • Rely on intuition or gut feeling?
  • Use experts to get different perspectives?
  • Draw on previously learned tools and techniques?
  • Notice conflict, difference, similarities, opposites and paradox?
  • . . . . you will no doubt think of others.

Accountability for your Way of Being

The way you turn up for others is a result of the way you interpret what you see, hear and feel.

How we observe your Way of Being shapes the values and beliefs that underpin our behaviour. As actors, we need to be clear about the mindset we are using to assess our performance. This is like the thoughts of our Inner Scriptwriter dictating the emotions and context that you then act on.

Our Inner Director visualises what’s needed to guide and rehearse the performance that your Inner Actor must practice. To grow as a leader you need to practice how you observe and adjust your ‘way of being’ to create the result you want. This requires your Inner Actor and Inner Director to align what you know to be important and give it an authentic interpretation.

Make a list of the practices you would want to develop to prepare for a new future, or improve on today to make you a more powerful observer?

Pick one practice you will commit to master over the next 14 days. What triggers will you create to ensure you deliver on your promise.