DISCLOSIVE SPACE

Some people have a way of being in the world that created the conditions that others feel is an invitation to speak and declare what’s true for them. People like this offer us safe a safe space to ground and explore difficult truths. It becomes the space into which to articulate what’s important, without fear of judgement or rejection.

This is a skill used by Ontological Coaches. They make it possible for their clients to say what they didn’t know even needed saying, and in the process to discover much more about who they are what’s important to them. People with this skill provide a disclosive space for others.

It is possible to cultivate this way of being over time if you care about being there for others. It takes active and deep listening. It’s about: 

presence – the capacity to be in-the-moment, and nowhere else, even in the midst of strong emotions

compassion – the commitment understand and respond to others’ worlds, even if radically different from your own

attunement – the ability to discern what other people are feeling, and how they’re connecting with their world, which may be very different from what they’re saying

Of course, there are also people who, simply by their way of being with others, close down the possibility of speaking. Their defensiveness or their judgement speaks volumes to us about what it is possible to say or how to be in their company. Around such people the truth of what’s happening gets covered over, hidden away. They listen with blind spots or make assumptions about the reactions they may get.

So being a disclosive space for others is a foundation skill for leadership. It makes it possible for people to make their most important, most creative and truest contribution. And it’s foundational for having a deep connection when being “in-relationship”, as opposed to having a relationship with someone.