How can leaders be both Appreciative and Assertive?

LIFE LEADERSHIP DIGEST – Article by Steve Trivett – 28/12/2022

Challenges of a VUCA World

Our VUCA World is presenting us with old problems that require new thinking. Social media forces us into asserting our preferences, ideologies and passions. It divides us into “for and against”, and “winners and losers”. We are witnessing ever stronger “us and them” attitudes in all aspects of life, both locally and globally.

Volatility

The result is growing anxiety about making the right choices as certainty and trust diminish. The best of intentions fail to deliver what was promised due to unpredictable events and circumstances beyond our direct control. The “us and them” produce ideological battles that we are witnessing between democracy and autocracy. Wars get resolved when an assertive mindset can find space for appreciation. Both sides lose too many lives, economic stability and international reputation.

Uncertainty

We watch our politicians and organisations declare goals that have to be constantly revised or dropped. This uncertainty produces selfish actions to protect ourselves and reduce any negative impact. We may appreciate the situation others are in, but we still have to assert our influence to protect ourselves.  The current wave of strikes is an example of both sides feeling they have to be assertive to benefit themselves. But what is not being appreciated that could advance a common cause that points to shared care and greater certainty?

Complexity

At the root of VUCA challenges is an ability to accept the rules and metaphors that lie within an understanding of complex adaptive systems. For example, with an understanding of “emergence” comes an appreciation of uncertainty and the need to be aware of how rules and curiosity can be used to explore what’s possible.

Ambiguity

In VUCA situations, it is often unclear what is the best way forward. Ambiguity in their assessment makes agreement difficult when an either/or mindset is at play. Even when the facts are not in dispute, their interpretation is. Fake arguments are used to create doubt and promote tribal and ideological alliances. Progress can only be made where there is an appreciation of opposing assessments and insights. But how can conversation be used to create a connection out of difference?

Engaging with Everyday Reality

When productivity drops or fails to grow, the focus for change tends to go on measuring and incentivising performance. What is not often understood, is that efforts to improve performance often fail when leaders do not value or appreciate the innate capacity of human beings to be better people.

Authority that was once assumed in a senior position only works if accepted by a leader’s followers. Rules can only be asserted when agreed to and perceived to be fair and legitimate.  

It’s a natural human need to want to be appreciated and valued as an individual for a personal contribution to the performance of a team or organisation. Yet few managers find the time or learn how to engage their employees ‘one-to-one” to explore what they care about to make it a potential motivator. This is a leadership skill.

It is well known that adults tend to leave their manager rather than the organisation. This is because managers may recognise a job well done with awards and fine words, but fail to recognise the employee as a human being. They are left feeling like the “cog in a machine” that is easily be replaced if the work expected does not get done. But this assertive style of management does not work when employees have choices and their skills are in short supply.

When productivity and performance deteriorate, it is often associated with a lack of punctuality, increased levels of sickness absence, poor adherence to policies and procedures, increasing complaints about poor service, persistent conflict, gossiping and even irritability among colleagues. All too often bosses resort to assertive behaviours and fail to realise that the way performance gets recognised has to be perceived as authentic, caring and personal.

It’s important for an effective leader to be truly credible, trustworthy and consistent in their approach. There are advantages to being more humble. Adopting a spirit of mutual respect for the empathy and support given to others. This approach has many business advantages in securing a safe and inclusive workplace.

Periodic performance reviews have less of an impact than small acts of engagement that appreciate the context, identity and sensitivities of the individual. It’s paradoxical that bosses will always find the time to deal with complaints, yet cannot find the time to complement effort and commitment.

Focus on Life Leadership

The small things that individuals care about in their daily life is an important aspects of leadership. Being able to fulfil a personal interest or be appreciated for small contributions is a big motivator for performance. More than isolated criticism, which lacks any empathy for different perspectives and worldviews that people hold. We all lead our lives for different reasons and are motivated by different intentions. Effective bosses know how to tap into the different interests and concerns of people. Finding these connections enables leaders to find and tap into what their people care about most and how they can be appreciated in different ways.

To understand how managers can enhance their leadership skills, Paul White offers a wide range of practical techniques in his book “5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace”. It offers ideas for measuring improvements in employee engagement and building morale to enhance performance.  Paul summarises these as:

• Using words of gratitude and affirmation (valuing positive attitudes and behaviours)
• Giving quality time to employee engagement (listen to concerns and ideas)
• Generous acts of practical and spontaneous support (show not just tell)
• Taking interest in people’s lives and concerns (food, hobby and leisure preferences)
• Appropriate body contact (handshakes, high 5’s)

How to Be More Present

One of the biggest challenges when seeking to appreciate and value others is the capacity to be fully present when engaging others. This is a skill that takes a bit of practice. It requires a level of awareness at three levels of consciousness, and awareness of:

Context: Your worldview and interpretation of climate, culture, connections and contradictions.

Identity: What you imagine yourself to be like and how you react to different contexts

Being: How you deal with and control your body’s automatic senses and habits

In his book ‘Presence-Based Leadership’, Doug Silsbee explores what needs to happen to move from an “outside-in” to an “inside-out” observation of events, thoughts and feelings.  This way you can observe the world you are experiencing in the moment at all three levels at once. You then make choices that fit the context. It involves how you react authentically and remain sensitive to what you are sensing intuitively at the time.

This deeper level of awareness enables you to challenge your habitual nature by being a witness to your emotions. mood, stories, relationships, interpretations, limitations and the way you make sense of things. My website offers you insights and learning tools to help you practice the skills of a “powerful observer” so that they get embedded into your nervous system on a day-to-day basis.

Doug Silsbee refers to this experience as “living in a bell jar” because we limit our appreciation of the bigger context and prevent any growth in our identity or Way of Being. Only when we can see the bigger world we are living in, will relationships and self be seen in a way that can expand our sense of presence and connection.

Courtesy of Bebe Hansen

When we see more of what is real and view it more objectively, our awareness expands and we see how redundant habits blind us to how we can be more effective and fulfilled as human beings. As leaders, we get access to a wider range of perspectives and deeper realisations of what practices could deliver greater value from our innate capacities as human beings. They are more valuable to the productivity of the organisation than just their performance if they are fully appreciated as people and encouraged to put their attention on actions they can commit to that deliver more value.

As leaders in a VUCA World, we must become more alert to the complex interactions and diverse patterns in human behaviour that can observe different reactions and deliver breakthrough results.  This makes presence an internal state that works best when body and mind are seeking stillness, immediacy and new possibilities for action.