So often, it’s the difference that makes the difference. Different questions have to be provocative queries that stop evasion and eliminate confusion.
Practices
1. Fill in the blanks in the statements below that focus your attention on what could help you ask different questions. Take yourself back to a situation in which you felt stuck in habitual thinking or a negative mood state, and ask . . . .
In general, I notice . . . . . .
In general, I notice . . . . . . . . . . but . . . . . . . . . .
On one hand . . . . . . . . and on the other hand . . . . . . . .
I am really surprised that . . . .
I wonder . . . . .
As you reflect on these statements, notice the constraints and opportunities generated in your mind. What differences are making a difference here? What can you trade-off to give you the space to identify possibilities for new action?
2. In a future conversation at work, note what you hear and think.
Note the feelings and thoughts that come to mind and any insights they generate. This will guide you to ask more difficult questions of yourself based on what you noticed, sensed or surprised you.
What emotions did you experience?
What thoughts were making you feel that way?
Why did you care about it so much?
What was at stake for you?
What, on reflection, did you fail to understand when you reacted emotionally?
3. Think back to a difficult conversation with a client or colleague. What was the reason you found it difficult?
They couldn’t listen?
A personality clash?
Different values?
Is it being competitive with each other?
Why this person when you have dealt with difficult people before?
How was this experience different? Was your thinking different about that person? Did you not trust them or like the language they used? Did they come across as arrogant? Have you listened to someone else’s opinion of them?
What did you learn from the experience that you would want to change?
Calm down and centre yourself.
Listen and find a connection.
Remove any assumptions from your mind.
What else could you do?
Support Information
So often it’s the difference that makes the difference. Different questions must be provocative to stop evasion and eliminate confusion. Because answers have a concise shelf life, questions must invite clarity and encourage assessment to fit the current context. You can only make decisions in the present moment, where you combine assertions and experience from the past and your concerns and desires for the future.
In an uncertain world, you do not know what data will be important in taking you out of the familiar territory and opening up new and different possibilities. Different questions must break the habitual thinking pattern to understand what is unknown. It might seem paradoxical to start from what you don’t know, but new perspectives need to be identified and considered to open up the “possibility space” in your mind. It’s about having the courage to explore and embrace new ways of observing and acting to achieve a result that embraces uncertainty.
In today’s complex and unpredictable world, you are under pressure to push against stereotypical and habitual ways of looking at things. This is because the question you might normally ask will lead to predictable actions and results. You are asking questions to confirm what you already think, not to satisfy curiosity or doubt. As a result, little is learned or has moved you in a new direction.
Questions need to be mind-shifting to take you out of your comfort zone. New insights come from an open mind. It’s essential, therefore, to explore the assumptions and values behind a question. You then question your mindset to understand what the question means to you. Others will have their interpretation because they are making different distinctions.
Be patient in understanding what is unfolding. Ask questions—lots of them if necessary. Then decide. While being able to think quickly is important, asking questions to gain a clear understanding so that decisions are principled and aligned with your mission is more likely to get you the result you really want.
So what does it mean?
When answers are few, questions are your best way forward. But not all questions are created equal. For example, you may be in the habit of asking questions you already know the answer to or expect someone else to answer for you. They are sensible questions in day-to-day interactions, but they may not be beneficial if you are in a mess and looking for options to move you forward.
What do you do when you don’t know what to do? FACE FACTS?
This prompts what, where, when, who, why, and how questions to provide you with more information, allowing your habitual way of thinking to bring clarity and direction to your thinking. What are you most concerned about? What do you want to be the same or different in the future?
What do you do when you feel stuck? EXPLORE POSSIBILITIES?
This prompts you to question your assumptions. What are you not seeing? How else could you look at it? What would happen if you did nothing? What beliefs are stopping you from considering alternatives? What assumptions do you need to review?
What do you do when the context changes and you no longer know the rules? EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY?
This prompts self-inquiry questions because your assessments belong to another place and time. The context has to be wondered about. What contradictions do you see? What do you know for sure? What changes in your Way of Being could change the actions you take and the results you get?
What questions do you ask when you are overwhelmed with surprise and fear of chaos? SEEK GROWTH?
This prompts the need to focus on growing your own and other people’s capacity to observe and make new interpretations and distinctions to become more conscious and thoughtful. What is the surprise that suggests it is important to you? What can you do now to improve your capacity to adapt and yet stay focused on what’s important to you?
Now what?
Complexity hides under the surface of simplicity. Combining six numbers, such as in a lottery, can produce millions of possible outcomes. Finding simple patterns is a core competency for understanding complex situations, unlike chaos with no underlying pattern. Different questions must be provocative queries to stop evasion or avoid confusion. Ask questions that invite clarity and encourage assessment at the moment. For example:
What is exciting to you about this?
What is the urge or motivator?
What does your intuition tell you?
What resonates for you?
What is the part that is not yet clear?
What other ideas/thoughts/feelings do you have about it?