ADAPTIVE INTELLIGENCE

This is not an easy idea to make sense of because it relates to our capacity for insights and realisations.

Conversations can be used in many ways to fit different situations and achieve different purposes.

Being assertive means being clear about what you stand for, your own or other people’s rights in a calm, kind and positive way. 

When plans, relationships or commitments breakdown they generate concerns. As all of us are dominated by what we care about, something that is a source of worry requires action to address it.

We all have access to the same emotions, but what makes them different is how they are interpreted and expressed. We have the power to produce them, explain them and direct them.

Deep questioning requires deep listening to find gaps in reasoning and emotional incoherence. It requires the temporary suspension of judgment, looking to clarify cares and concerns.

Being assertive means being clear about what you stand for, your own or other people’s rights, expressed in a calm, kind and positive way.

Its important to make a distinction between an assessment (when its neither true or false) and an assertion (when it could be true or false). To be true it must be observable or verifiable .

We relate to each other through networks of conversation and commitment. We make and manage promises with each other by making offers and making requests.

When faced with difficult decisions in complex environments, you can react  quickly to:

• Observe
• Orientate
• Decide
• Act

When centred in our body, mind and emotions, we are in a state where we can choose our actions and responses. Otherwise we are off-centre, and our reactions tend to respond emotionally, chosen for us by our nervous system.

It is the way you engage another person so that they feel a strong sense of connection with you without resisting or feeling pressured by you. It generates a strong sense of empathy.

Different questions must be provocative queries to stop evasion and eliminate confusion.  Because answers have a very short shelf life, questions must invite clarity and encourage assessment to fit the current context.

This is a model of how we produce the reality that is our moment-to-moment experience. It was produced by KenWilber to help change agents adopt a more integrated and developmental approach to change in complex situations.

When you speak with candour, you are making a commitment to say what is true for you. You are not withholding facts, feelings or things that you know to be true in order to manipulate an outcome.

Getting people do things for you in pursuit of a mutual interest is more difficult than you might think.  It’s a skill to influence someone to promise to deliver on their commitments.

We all rely on conversation to get cooperation and control. When we have supportive and caring conversations they give us the energy to overcome adversity and transform our lives.