Concerns are your Early Warning System

LIFE LEADERSHIP DIGEST – Article by Steve Trivett – 23/08/2019

One of the most common forms of “breakdowns” in the normal flow of life are those little concerns that come to mind.  If they stay on your mind they create a mood of dissatisfaction that something is happening that you are unhappy with because it shouldn’t be happening. It could be something you are blind to, failed to deal with in the past and has still not been addressed.

For example, you feel the stress of not being on top of things, yet don’t feel it strongly enough to make it a priority and deal with it. It could be something you have been searching for or some unfinished business arising from a difficult conversation that was left unresolved. Perhaps you need to have the conversation again to clear the air. Maybe you didn’t seize the opportunity yesterday and now today there is gossip that is making you even more concerned about its impact on your relationship by making it an issue again.

Missed opportunities

In a previous article, “Making Difficult Choices“,  you will have explored the “loss aversion bias”.  It’s that sensation you get when you feel you are missing out on something important and feel bad about what you might be losing. But the dissatisfaction should be a motivator for making an improvement that is more meaningful to you. 

One approach is to adopt the Miracle Question to tease out what changes you would notice if the concerns were addressed quickly or didn’t exist. Imagine what you would you see, feel and hear in a more satisfying future where you are taking care of what you care about.

Dealing with concerns can open up new possibilities for relationships. They can “break down” when you simply make assumptions about the intentions of others. It is how we go about making judgements of how important something is to us. Making choices is not just about logic or measurement. We have the power to create reasons based on what we value.

In this video Ruth Chang explains why dealing with your concerns can be seen as a hard choice. That is until you see what the concern is telling you about yourself, your values and identity. This means taking responsibility for not acting on your concerns. Without facing this fact, possibilities for taking urgent action do not come to mind. You have to work on understanding yourself and where you stand.

When did you last notice that something wasn’t right or working for you? What caused you to delay taking action to address it? What anxieties could have been avoided or benefits gained if you had made those small changes more quickly? 

Make a note of the things you notice that could be done better, more safely. Get into the habit of making small improvements every day and notice the difference it made to how your mood and how others reacted.