Benefitting from Mindfulness
PRACTICE GUIDE – Inner Actor
What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a state in which you notice what you are thinking, feeling and doing without judgment or reaction.It must not be confused with meditation, which is about relaxing into the present moment. Mindfulness is not about being alone with your thoughts. It’s the capacity to see new things or have intuitive thoughts by letting go of preconceived mindsets and then having the confidence to act on new observations. A more effective common sense emerges in your thoughts.
So what does it mean?
Instead of being present and seeking “peace of mind” most people like to be constantly distracted with social media, games, online shopping, emails, web browsing, listening to music or watching movies. Even in quieter moments, most people are consumed by yesterday’s mistakes, current concerns or worries about tomorrow. Mindfulness is the antidote – but it takes practice.
Self-Awareness is important
The value of mindfulness meditation is that it brings greater self-insight into the sources and impact of stress, anxiety, and depression on our Way of Being. Knowing that feelings pass, mindfulness can prevent overthinking, so it is dealt with as an “in-the-moment” experience. By linking our felt sensations to what we observe is happening in our body, in given circumstances reveals clues to what thoughts are triggering the feelings.
To feel balanced you need to feel it in your body and your mind, by letting go of past worries and future concerns so that you can be joyful in the moment. You will allow gravity to take control of your posture so you can relax your muscles. By staying focused on your body you effectively quieten the thoughts rushing around in your head. If you find this difficult, follow the practices below or get the help of a coach.
Relating is important
Some people find it easier to find a state of meditation when engaged in physical exercise or listening to relaxing music or being in a calming environment. But mindfulness requires you to look at your circumstances, experiences, dilemmas, choices, and relationships from different viewpoints. You are forcing your mind to compare and contrast what makes sense to you. You will find practices on perceptual positioning and reframing to help you.
Mindfulness is essential to the quality of your relationships. Where you get your energy from influences the experience you will have when you interact. Conversations are more effective when there is a balance between the inside-out energy that determines your level of awareness and the outside-in energy that captures your attention. We react to where the energy is.
For example, when you find yourself listening to someone interesting they stimulate thoughts and ideas that would not happen if left to your own devices. People have said to me “I feel more intelligent and creative what I talk to you”. Does this sense of connection come from me or them? All I am doing is paying my attention without judging. This is my inside-out energy that is being balanced with the outside-in energy which wants to influence me. This “possibility space” cannot exist where there is top-down energy where judgement is involved, or where bottom-up energy introduces pressure to say what’s expected to stay attached.
Now what?
The evidence is growing that “good leaders” stay connected with those around them through self-awareness, self- management, social awareness, and caring relationships. All of these are, to some extent or other, mindfulness skills. But the demands of leadership can leave us physically and emotionally drained. As a result, we find themselves moving from a proactive approach to getting things done to avoidance. This is linked to behaviours such as irritability and a closed-minded.
Mindfulness training teaches us to take an interest in all aspects of our experience and treat it with acceptance and curiosity. We engage because we are more aware that action delivers more than inaction. Delay or denial only induces guilt and anxiety. We are then more likely to stay in and deal with what each moment presents us with. It is not neutral, we have to care about ourselves and others with understanding and empathy to get the best, well-formed outcome.
Practice it for yourself and see what happens. If you give yourself just 10 minutes a say of meditating on your breath you should notice greater peace of mind by the end of the week. You will find yourself being less reactive, critical and defensive. You’ll find that when you control thoughts and feelings this leads to better control of your behaviour. Do a daily check-in to reflect on what went well, what didn’t and why.
Practices
To benefit from these practices you need to have in mind a transformational goal where you are changing an undesirable state into a more desired state. This means bringing your intention inside to feel it’s impact and what you can do to place your full attention and resources on it. Then you can sense the challenge from multiple new perspectives and what they mean for your values. You will then see how to harness all the energy sources available to you to serve your intention.
1. BODY SCANNING – Relax and breathe gently and deeply. You can be sitting or lying down. Feel present in your body. Focusing on your breathing will help you stay focused on what you are sensing in other parts of your body as you breathe in and out.
- Notice any small movements in your nostrils, shoulders or abdomen.
- Do not seek to change them. Accept and observe without judgment.
- After a few minutes (or when you are ready), shift your attention to your toes and gently up the body, pausing to experience any sensations that come to your attention.
- Try and explain the sensations – hot, numb, tense, fluttering, etc. Finish with your neck, face, and head.
- Notice any emotions or moods that are present – calm, anxious, brusque, grateful, unsettled, abrasive, compassionate, etc., and where you are holding tension as a sensation in your body. In future, this sensation will be an early warning sign of emotion to come that you are ready to control. If you cannot find the words, descriptive metaphors will help you express what it feels like.
Over a 30 minute session, you will have experienced a mindful meditation. Repeat a few times as and when you can and some useful patterns will emerge and you can reduce the time to focus on a particular thought, feeling or behaviour that is causing you concern and get some valuable insight. Self-observation brings you greater self-awareness of what you can do to manage your emotional disruptions.
2. CENTRING – All action originates in the body. Understanding it better provides useful feedback that you can draw on when the “chips are down”. One useful practice involves “centring” your body by imaging yourself in three dimensions – length, width and depth.
Length – Stand up. Check your posture. Straighten your back and lift your head, supporting yourself effortlessly with your feet planted firmly on the ground with legs slightly apart and knees unlocked. Relax your jaw and drop your shoulders. Place your attention on your lower abdomen.
Width – Gently rock your weight from side-to-side to find a natural balance point. Feel balanced and become aware of your width and the space you are taking up. Image yourself walking into a room and know that you belong there and can hold your own as others respect your position. Feel your chest expanding with pride and confidence.
Depth – Now balance yourself from front-to-back, rocking and bending your knees to find your balance point. Standing in the middle of the room, bring your awareness to the space behind you. Imagine you have a massive tail extending along the floor. Allow yourself to feel supported and let you belly soften. Feel your ‘centre of gravity’ deep inside your abdomen, making you feel strong and stable.
References
Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain by Sharon Begley. Ballantine Books 2007
Listening to Bodies by Suzanne Zemen. Shasta 2008
Insight by Tasha Eurich. Macmillan 2017
Presence-Based Coaching by Doug Silsbee. Jossey-Bass 2008
Connect by Lyn Boyer. Affective Leadership 2011
The Hero’s Journey by Stephen Gillingham & Robert Dilts. Crown Hous 2009
Thinking Tools
– Noticing what’s happening and sensing what could be hidden from you.
THE CDE MODEL
– Identifying the conditions and rules that produce different patterns of interaction
THE OAR MODEL
– Improving your observation skills to choose actions to will deliver what you care about.
THE SCARF MODEL
– Identifying the core concerns that shape your emotional responses
ONTOLOGICAL LEARNING
– Understanding how to change your Way of Being
THE PSYCHIC SYSTEM
– Knowing how to change your Way of Being to fit the prevailing context
ONTOLOGICAL BREAKDOWNS
– Dealing with disruptions in the flow of your life
THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
– How you give meaning to to your experience of internal senses and external events.
QUADRANTS OF CHANGE
– Achieving a more holistic and balanced response to complex situations.
ACTION LOGICS
– Assessing leadership behaviour and effectiveness in different contexts
THE U PROCESS
– Using your senses to improve your effectiveness now to shape your future.
SPIRAL DYNAMICS
– Explaining the growth of human capacity and values
THE HEROES JOURNEY
– Finding a bigger purpose and passion to lead your life from.
ACTIVE LISTENING
– Knowing how to actively listen for understanding and empathy
REFRAMING
– Looking for possibilities to question and reshape perspectives.
THE OODA LOOP
– Achieving a bigger impact when working with other people
ADAPTIVE ACTION
– Examining the dynamic patterns of thought involved in decision making
THE LENS OF INQUIRY
Using the power of questions to get breakthrough results.
THE NINE PANES MODEL
– Discovering new perspecives when dealing with breakdowns in the flow of life.
THE JOHARI WINDOW
– Identifying alternatives to unseen or disruptive behaviour
THE FOUR TRUTHS
– Recognising and considering alternative perspectives in any situation
THE CIRCLE OF CONTROL, INFLUENCE & CONCERN
– Clarifying how you interpret what you see, hear and feel.
THE MIRACLE QUESTION
– In your ideal world, what do you want to be feeligs, thinking and doing?
A “BOTH/AND” PERSPECTIVE
– Dealing with paradox and ambiguity.
THE ADAPTIVE CYCLES
– Resisting breakdown and maintaining your viability for a breakthrough.
CREATING A WELL-FORMED OUTCOME
– Reducing the chance of facing unintended consequences.
WAY OF BEING
– Connecting words, emotions and body presence to be more effective.
CYNEFIN
– A sensemaking framework to help you crack different types of problems.
YOUR INNATE WISDOM
– Knowing what makes you who you are and using it to lead a more fulfilling life.
A SOLUTION FOCUS
– Finding out what works and doing more of it.