LIFE LEADERSHIP DOMAINS
MOOD MANAGERS
– Facing Facts
– Exploring Possibilities
– Embracing Uncertainty
– Seeking Growth
REALITY CREATORS
– Emotioning
– Presencing
– Relating
– Languaging
MOVIE MAKERS
– Inner Producer
– Inner Director
– Inner Scriptwriter
– Inner Actor
ENERGY PRODUCERS
– Inside-Out Energy
– Outside-In Energy
– Top-Down Energy
– Bottom-Up Energy
Your Inner Actor
Listen for the feelings and concerns generated in the language, mood and body state you observe in others. Be aware of your assumptions and biases. Question what doesn’t make sense to you.
Your Inner Actor is your unconscious mind. It’s where your memories, ego, identity, and beliefs are stored. You are aware of its existence when you reflect on how you feel about yourself generally and in a specific situation. You are preparing to do what you feel you need to do to be a more competent, reliable and caring human being. Personal qualities you can use to live a life that is fulfilling, successful and happy.
Your Inner Actor rehearses your thoughts and actions before they are performed and appear in the world for others to assess. It draws on direct experience, where real-time body sensations detect disruptions in the normal functioning and flow of your life. They are referred to as ontological “constraints” or existential “breakdowns”.
You become aware of what is happening in your body through your “felt senses”, internal dialogue, and picture-making abilities. They allow your mind to prepare your body for meaningful action, order your thoughts, select the more appropriate language and create the right mood for the situation you find yourself in.
“You have to believe the story you are telling yourself and change it to reflect what you need to do to resonate with the audience you want to win over.” – Dan McAdams
What makes you do what you do?
Is it arbitrary? Instinctive? It certainly comes from impulses that are stimulated by the need to “do” something. I refer to this mental process as your Inner Actor. It is your Inner Actor that feels and processes the moment-to-moment thoughts of your Inner Director to implement the intentions, desires and beliefs of your Inner Producer. See your Inner Actor as those parts of your brain that programme your body movement, emotional reactions and choice of language. It is the instrument used by the mind to create your life movie that becomes your Way of Being.
Your Inner Actor is constantly asking you . . .
- Who am I?
- What do I want?
- What can I do?
- How do I feel about the people in my life?
- How do they feel about me?
- What have I accomplished that’s important to me?
- What have I been able to do for others?
- What value would my life have if I couldn’t work?
- What talents do I have?
- How do I feel about the world?
- What good things have people said to me and about me?
By developing your Inner Actor you are discovering why you do what you do. You are drawing on your personal history and self-knowledge to create a better Way of Being and project your best self into the world.
It’s your Inner Actor that filters your values and moral principles. It controls your level of consciousness, creative expression, and excitement with life. It is you practicing your “craft” as a human being – how effective you are using language, controlling your emotions, maintaining a positive mood state and your authentic presence. You are learning, that when you are knocked sideways by failure, frustration or criticism, you have access to your Inner Actor to bounce back up and move on.
By developing the strengths of your Inner Actor you have the ability to function effectively from your own unique Way of Being. You will also discover how to shift your Way of Being to experience the “highs” that come from integrity, trustworthiness, ambition, confidence, and adaptability.
Observing your Inner Actor
If you want to be an effective leader of your life you will need to perfect your rehearsing skills. This means developing your “big eye”, a capacity to notice what’s happening in your body, your thoughts and the world around you. It makes you more aware of your being and doing. You know when you are being your natural self in any context or role you find yourself in. You intuitively know what is expected of you so you can perform authentically.
You learn these acting skills to get what you want. They are rehearsed in your mind for an imaginary audience that you created and then listen to. You can become your hardest critic. You make assumptions and judgements often as a result of your own fears, fed by the comments of those you allow to influence you, such as your parents, friends, bosses or competitors. They are commenting on how you act, not who you are. But remember, you may fool other people with your actions and be in denial for a while, but you won’t fool yourself. Have you noticed when and with whom your act does not appear to be working?
This can happen when the context changes your mood state. For example, you feel and act differently when entering a nightclub than when entering a church. Places have an atmosphere that can reshape and modify your mood and the way you then behave. Such things as temperature, music and cultural constraints can influence your way of being.
For example, your way of being a parent at home is going to be very different from how you are with your boss at work, yet you can come across as authentic even though you are acting in the role. It’s an innate capacity we all have to reveal different aspects of our way of being to fit the situation. You may not be conscious of what you should or ought not to be doing when you are just “being yourself”, fully present in the here and now. If you are not being authentic it will soon become apparent to others. We all have the capacity to sense insincerity when the words that are used fail to fit the actions, mood, body posture or emotional responses.
It is your ability to notice these inconsistencies that generate feelings of concern, anxiety or resentment. You then start to look for more examples of unreliability, inconsistency or insincerity to confirm what was initially intuition. These feelings are often revealed when we are stressed or when difficult decisions have to be made. Our actions get triggered by our emotions in a given context. How do you react when someone cuts in front of you when you are driving, or when someone breaks their promise?
“The world was created five seconds ago, complete with props, players and history” – Rick Carson.
Good acting is therefore not about being like somebody else, it’s the ability to “be” yourself in ways that others will perceive to be authentic. When judging what is “good acting” you are assessing what you are seeing, feeling and relating to in order to decide if the performance is realistic.
As the observer, your mind does the processing and creates its own version of reality as a “movie” that reflects the story unfolding in your mind. As a powerful observer, you see how an experience is created from the inside-out and then notice its impact on you coming from the outside-in. That’s why you initially blame others for how you feel, not realising that how you feel is a choice. You are in danger of confusing feelings and thinking because your mind is not connected with what is actually happening within and around you. This is because the mind prefers fantasy over reality. It uses metaphor and generalisations to avoid accountability. What is actually happening is “like” something else that concerns you.
For example, if asked to explain how you felt when your boss left you to deal with a situation you were totally unprepared for, you might say it was like sailing in a storm and finding that the captain was lost overboard and yelling for someone else to take the wheel because you were afraid to step up and take responsibility. How you respond is up to you. It depends on the “movie” being produced in your mind. Do you take the wheel and stay afloat or leave things to fate?
Observing is different from thinking. Your mind uses thinking to make sense of what you notice and need to do. Your mind selects a “movie” that it is comfortable performing in. It is your thinking that interprets what you experience and how you feel and react as a result. How you think and act becomes your Way of Being in the world.
What you become aware of focuses your attention like a spotlight or it combines observations from many different perspectives like the beams from a lighthouse. For example, you can focus your attention on a specific memory from the past, on a present situation or on an imaginary future. You can even shift your attention from what is actually happening to what you fear could possibly happen. You can see yourself as producing your life movie, or life’s movie is leading you to be a victim, hero or player.
The more aware you are of the way you are “being” in the world, the greater your influence over the life movie you can produce and perform in as the lead actor.
Playing the lead role in your life
Your Inner Actor takes the lead role, bringing to life the hidden processes of the mind, consciousness and thought. These natural and instinctive processes are often inhibited by experiences that make you self-judgemental. We all develop protection mechanisms that constrain our inner wisdom or common sense and keep us from realising our full potential as human beings. We all have the same cognitive and affective abilities so our uniqueness must come from the way we act to create our story. Over time it becomes our life movie.
Of course, we have the innate capacity to learn and reflect, so we can train our Inner Actor to eliminate the blocks and fears that prevent us from leading powerful and meaningful lives and be “free” to express ourselves fully. Our ‘actor’ is always being motivated and “directed”, using language to craft the “script” that we can use to remove our inhibitions and insecurities. Positive language helps us become the best that we can be.
Who is the real you?
When we pretend to be someone we are not it isn’t easy to do and our actions are seldom convincing. But if we have convinced ourselves that our being is an authentic expression of our thoughts and beliefs, then we come across as genuine. It takes considerable energy to “wing it” or “fake it”. Think of this as acting from the outside-in, performing in ways others expect us to, in order to get the results we think we want. Even if it works, it’s still an illusion.
It is our Inner Actor that seeks to present our authentic selves to the world. Our actions may reflect our genuinely held beliefs. We are free to choose our beliefs and so perceive them as real and we come across as genuine and authentic. What we may be blind to are the blocks and constraints these beliefs are placing upon our ability to be our best selves.
We still have free will of course but we are more aware of our way of being and how it serves our intentions. Our inner Actor can generate insights when we will think of something new or question a belief because it doesn’t work for us. A spontaneous or unpredictable event can disrupt the normal flow or thinking patterns in our daily life resulting in concerns that give our Inner Actor the power to think something new to realign us with what is important to us and shift our way of being.
“This above all, to thine own self be true . . . Thou canst not then be false to any man.” – William Shakespeare
Your embodied self
It’s no longer enough to be knowledgeable about something, we have to embody the behaviour before we can act and perform authentically in new ways. When we understand the principles for making grounded assessments, requests, offers and declarations, we can make them an authentic part of your competencies as an effective life leader. We grow and evolve as human beings when we embody new actions. This is often referred to as embodied transformation. Thinking, speaking, sensing and knowing is worth little if they do not support us to grow and mature as a person and change our behaviour and gain clarity of understanding. People who fail to “walk their talk” lose the respect, trust and support of others. This is unacceptable for a leader who stands up and acts out what they value and believe to be important in life, to improve things for themselves and the people and things they care about.
“An ounce of behaviour is worth a pound of words” – Sandford Meisner
Learning how to “be” a leader is like method-acting. It can be learned as a means to an end, not an end in itself. We perform at our best when you lead by instinct. Life leaders believe they have the right to be everything they want to be and will seek to engage as many others as they can to help them achieve this state of mind. What I have come to see more clearly through the metaphor of our life movie is how we produce, direct and script our story to remove any obstacles that get in the way of us doing things and being ourselves so we can live in a happy, satisfied and relaxed state of mind. When in the presence of such a person we feel we want to be more truthful and compassionate.
Being in a leadership role is never going to be simple or easy if we cannot be our authentic selves. But this is something that is about knowing ourselves from the inside-out, not trying to fit the ideal type that the media pushes on us from the outside-in. Obviously, no two effective leaders are the same. Our inner Actor allows us to reveal our inner, most private self, which we want to improve on to “be” our best self when we reflect on our way of being in the world.
“By my actions, teach my mind” – William Shakespeare
Self-expression
Our inner Actor is that part of us that seeks expression. It tells a story that reflects our values and reasoning by sharing information, personal needs and objectives with the world out there. Other parts of us are choosing our words (our Inner Scriptwriter), our passion and commitment (our Inner Producer) and our interpreter of thoughts and experiences (our inner Director).
For example, whilst our “actor” may be expressing our view as effectively as it can, our “producer” may be expressing the passion that your “director” observes is stopping us from achieving our purpose and allowing our “actor” to think differently and temper the message by expressing the words our “scriptwriter” offers us more effectively.
See our “best self” is our Inner Producer, the core of your being. It is always calling upon the different “movie makers” in our minds to work together to deliver our best performance. We don’t always get it right as circumstances can change. However:
- Your Producer is asking – Are you communicating what really matters to you?
- Your Scriptwriter is asking – Are the words getting the reactions you want?
- Your Director is asking – Are the actions and words having the impact you want?
- Your Actor is asking – Am I expressing what I want, to gain the trust and respect of others?
It’s because our “actor” is focusing on how best to express yourself that you need your “director” to remind your “actor” to remain open and receptive, to listen and reconnect with the passion and purpose to achieve your “producer’s” intentions. Sometimes you will find that your Inner Actor doesn’t want to know because that will mean changing its frame of reference. The website will help you explore your own mindset and understand other people’s. You will learn how to reframe a context to see new possibilities for action from feelings of intellectual and emotional vulnerability
“Everything had to be acted to be real” – Mark Rylance, Director Financial Times 13/9/13
Our “actor” may need to learn how to engage the whole of our body, not just focus on the mind. This will involve learning how to hold a relaxed posture, maintain eye contact and breathe in synch with other people. Your “actor” may have to learn the art of being present to show patience and respect. Active listening requires focused attention, interest, and curiosity. Sometimes your “actor” needs to acknowledge and validate the thoughts and feelings of your “director” to make them worthy of your full attention whilst not allowing them to dominate your actions.
This is why your “actor” needs a “director” to ensure that your inner Actor’s perception of what’s needed has a clear purpose and is productive. The role of your inner Director is to make observations, offer opinions, suggest alternative perspectives or raise challenging questions. When your “actor” is willing to consider the concerns expressed by your “director”, scriptwriter” and “producer” the result is a much better performance and more authentic conversations.
Dealing with conflict
It is often said that there are no difficult people, it’s just that don’t know how to deal with them effectively. The starting point is to recognise our own incompetence and be willing to practice some new skills. It is your observant “director” that will recognise when your “actor” is behaving as if everything is OK when your “director” can see that it isn’t, or your “actor” walks away from tense situations and you become resigned or resentful because your “actor” will not face facts or feels that there is no possibility of doing anything about it. The Coaching Guides introduce you to a range of strategies you can use to avoid escalating the situation and generate new possibilities, a positive mood, and creative thoughts.
Purposeful dialogue
This requires your inner Actor to be open to the observations and suggestions of your inner Director, the determination and focus of your inner Producer and the narrative or storyline created by your inner Scriptwriter. Engaging in dialogue is quite different from a discussion as it looks to find common ground on which to build a solution with others through purposeful conversation, not just argue for the one best way.
“Each of our acts makes a statement as to our purpose.” – Leo Buscaglia
Your ‘actor’ is heavily engaged in the actions of speaking, making requests, understanding and doing what is expected. It is your inner Scriptwriter that has the freedom to use your imagination to create the story which comes to life through the words, body, mood, and emotions of your ‘actor’. Every performance in your life movie is a creation that reflects the intention and commitment of your inner Producer, the authenticity, integrity, and presence of your inner Actor, the inventiveness and imagination of your inner Scriptwriter and the assessments and standards of your inner Director.
References
To the Actor by Michael Chekhov. Routledge 1953
The Art of Leading Yourself by Randi Noyes. Vermillion 2003
Hero’s Journey by Robert Dilts & Stephen Gilligan. Crown House 2009
The Actor Prepares by Constantin Stanislavski. Bloomsbury Academic 2013
Being & Doing by Eric Morris. Erimor 1998