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Making an Offer

PRACTICE GUIDE – Languaging

What is an Offer?

When you make an offer you are seeking to bring something new into the world and change the future, which can be accepted or rejected.

The act of making an offer to do something for someone seems straightforward. But offers are not always accepted. Selling offers is a skill because you may have to deal with disappointment when refused. This means the process of making an offer requires a sensitive conversation designed to maximise the chances of an agreement. This is because the listener (customer) has to agree to a reciprocal action, the consequences of which they may not have thought through. What do you say to someone who offers you refreshment, and having accepted never arrives?

Making an offer has four components.

1. PREPARATION – thinking about possible consequences (positive and negative), preparation (words, timing, and location) and willingness (clarity of benefits).

2. ACTION – the actual steps and interactions of the offer

3. RESPONSE – the assessment made by the listener (customer) that could affect their willingness to commit

4. ACCEPTANCE – the steps needed to achieve the result that’s wanted and managing the possible risks involved

The subtitles in this process hold the key to acceptance. The speaker (making the offer) has to sense reactions from the listener’s posture, language, and mood (their way of being or ontology), as well as envision possible responses based on previous experience with offers. It can take courage to make an offer and when emotions take over the chance to make an offer is lost.

So What does this mean?

To make an effective offer requires five elements. 

A PROPOSER – This is the  speaker who performs the action of making the offer

A RESPONDER – This is the listener who responds by committing to or declining the offer.

A PROMISE – This is a commitment that the responder makes to deliver what the proposer values so they will care about the desired result.

AN ASSESSMENT – What the proposer meant and what the responder thought was required needs clarification and negotiation where appropriate.

AN ACTION – This is the result of an active conversation in which the offer is agreed, details confirmed and to a standard required to deliver satisfaction

The diagram above outlines the interactions that are involved in making an offer to secure an agreement to deliver to an acceptable standard. The offer is made on the basis of trust that the offer will be activated and delivered as agreed.

Now What?

When making an offer there is an expectation that having assessed the responder’s sincerity, it will be accepted and agreed to. But there are issues that may cause the conversation to break down. For example, is the offer reasonable, who might it cause problems for, have they been reliable and competent in the past and have the criteria for satisfaction been clarified?  Learn how to improve your offers.

1. If any of the elements are missing the offer is likely to fail. The diagram gives you an opportunity to observe and correct each step and question the events that could cause problems.

2. The proposer can be a customer or the speaker who is assessing if the offer is reasonable and achievable. What obstacles can be foreseen or which elements may require more information or negotiation.

3. The responder can be the listener or the performer who has to judge if they have the competence and resources to delivered to the standard agreed or have good answers ready to refuse.

4. If trust has been lost in previous encounters between the proposer and responder, the arrangements will need to be set out and agreed in more detail. It will require better diagnostic and correction strategies to avoid conflict and dissatisfaction with the outcome.

Practice

1. Think of an offer you plan to make of someone important in your life or at work.

  • Prepare your wording, body posture and attitude in front of a mirror.
  • How will you assess the possible reactions you could get and how you will prepare for them?
  • What would an acceptable outcome be and how would you communicate it?

2. Think of an offer you wanted to make, but decided not to. What stopped you? Readiness – fear of response – anticipating “no”? Practice making offers to individuals and groups. What questions would you want to ask to:

  • Get clarification
  • Build your confidence
  • Only “promise” what you know you can deliver

3. Think of an offer you made that failed to get the response you hoped for. Using the diagram above:

  • What elements do you now accept were missing or could have been handled better?
  • What steps could you take to apologise, re-establish trust and make a new offer?
  • What skills do you need to improve on? Connecting – staying present – listening well – etc. Get a Coach?

References

The Innovator’s Way by Peter Denning & Bob Dunham. MIT 2010

Coaching to the Human Soul Vol 1 by Alan Sieler. Newfield Australia 2003

Connect by Lyn Boyer. Leadership Options 2011

Language and the Pursuit of Happiness by Chalmers Brothers. New Possibilities 2005

Thinking Tools

THE HUMAN OBSERVER
– Noticing what’s happening and sensing what could be hidden from you.
THE CDE MODEL
– Identifying the conditions and rules that produce different patterns of interaction
THE OAR MODEL
– Improving your observation skills to choose actions to will deliver what you care about.
THE SCARF MODEL
– Identifying the core concerns that shape your emotional responses
ONTOLOGICAL LEARNING
– Understanding how to change your Way of Being
THE PSYCHIC SYSTEM
– Knowing how to change your Way of Being to fit the prevailing context
ONTOLOGICAL BREAKDOWNS
– Dealing with disruptions in the flow of your life
THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
– How you give meaning to to your experience of internal senses and external events.
QUADRANTS OF CHANGE
– Achieving a more holistic and balanced response to complex situations.
ACTION LOGICS
– Assessing leadership behaviour and effectiveness in different contexts
THE U PROCESS
– Using your senses to improve your effectiveness now to shape your future.
SPIRAL DYNAMICS
– Explaining the growth of human capacity and values
THE HEROES JOURNEY
– Finding a bigger purpose and passion to lead your life from.
ACTIVE LISTENING
– Knowing how to actively listen for understanding and empathy
REFRAMING
– Looking for possibilities to question and reshape perspectives.
THE OODA LOOP
– Achieving a bigger impact when working with other people
ADAPTIVE ACTION
– Examining the dynamic patterns of thought involved in decision making
THE LENS OF INQUIRY
Using the power of questions to get breakthrough results.
THE NINE PANES MODEL
– Discovering new perspecives when dealing with breakdowns in the flow of life.
THE JOHARI WINDOW
– Identifying alternatives to unseen or disruptive behaviour
THE FOUR TRUTHS
– Recognising and considering alternative perspectives in any situation
THE CIRCLE OF CONTROL, INFLUENCE & CONCERN
– Clarifying how you interpret what you see, hear and feel.
THE MIRACLE QUESTION
– In your ideal world, what do you want to be feeligs, thinking and doing?
A “BOTH/AND” PERSPECTIVE
– Dealing with paradox and ambiguity.
THE ADAPTIVE CYCLES
– Resisting breakdown and maintaining your viability for a breakthrough.
CREATING A WELL-FORMED OUTCOME
– Reducing the chance of facing unintended consequences.
WAY OF BEING
– Connecting words, emotions and body presence to be more effective.
CYNEFIN
– A sensemaking framework to help you crack different types of problems.
YOUR INNATE WISDOM
– Knowing what makes you who you are and using it to lead a more fulfilling life.
A SOLUTION FOCUS
– Finding out what works and doing more of it.