Learning from Emotions

PRACTICE GUIDE – Emotioning

What are Emotions?

Emotions are seen as an unconscious, mind created and a subjectively experienced feeling, that is connected and associated with changes in language and physiology. It puts us “in motion” and moves us “into action”. This definition misses the role emotions and moods play in predisposing us to act on our thoughts in predictable ways, shaped by our Way of Being.

As the diagram below shows, moods and emotions act in concert with our language, body and relationships.  As a result, different moods are linked to different interpretations, physical actions and conversations.  The emotions we choose can change the nature of our relationships and the results we then get.

Emotions come and go, but moods hang about and influence our actions in the longer-term. They are just there, often hidden away, when events happen.  Emotions are triggered by internal physical changes and external events as they happen. They can disappear in a moment.  They can be a surprise to us if we are unable to read the signs or feel them in our body to predict there coming. Both have an impact by predicting what we choose to do and then how likely we are to do it.

So What does this mean?

Today, our understanding of emotions is driving better business results. Emotions are seen today as human competencies.  As technology advances, interpersonal abilities such as empathy, social sensitivity, relationship-building, collaboration, storytelling, and leadership are now the skills most needed in a complex and highly competitive world.  They require cultural sensitivity, co-creativity and social interactions, all of which require competence in recognising and managing emotions.

The ontological perspective on moods and emotions is that they play a pivotal role in what makes us effective Life Leaders. It’s about self-awareness and self-responsibility.

“Not everything that can be counted, counts, and not everything that counts can be counted”  Albert Einstein

Listed below are a few examples.

• Learning to listen more deeply to the concerns of others who see the world differently.
• Inspiring others to commit and collaborate to achieve shared goals
• Promoting innovation and creative thinking and coordinated action
• Resolving conflict to strengthen relationships
• Create space for exploring possibilities for adaptation, trust and growth
• Treating mistakes and breakdowns as opportunities for learning
• Challenging long-standing beliefs and habits

The topics on this website are a contribution to developing emotional competencies and distinctions, that are best acquired through practice – personal self-assessments and reflection.  Hence the structure – What?  So What? Now What?  As powerful observers, we are making unique assessments from different perspectives and cultural backgrounds.

Now What?

When we are in a mood-state of say resentment or resignation our emotions reflect our thinking. When we are at peace with ourselves we are grateful for our emotions thoughts and accept them. As a consequence, we don’t blame others or feel victimised by what is happening to us.  We can see that it is just our blindness to alternatives that are making us cynical. When we are open and positive in our mood state we declare ourselves to be ambitious and optimistic about the future and we can change if we are willing to learn and look for new possibilities to explore.

Based on the work of Chalmers Brothers ‘Leadership Excellence’ 2015

We remain stuck in a mood if we cannot accept that changing our language and energising our body can bring forth a different future.  Indeed, if we stay in resentment long enough it can turn into resentment where we give up believing that we are just “being realistic” because things will never change. Acceptance doesn’t mean we have to like the situation we find ourselves, simply a realisation that a negative mood state will not produce a positive outcome.  Our reality is a reflection of how we see choose to see it.

“When I accept myself as I am, then I can change”  Carl Rogers

Practices

1.  If you found yourself in a mood of resentment, what requests could you make of others to communicate your grievance or feelings about a specific situation? Maybe you are assuming that others should have picked up on your attitude and reactions to events. Maybe you have misunderstood or are blind to what you have done or said to someone.

• How would you go about making a responsible complaint in a “non-violent” or non-accusatory way?
• How could you share more of your concerns and feelings with those close to you?
• How would you go about declaring that you are open to think and act differently and get a Life Coach?
• How could you see past events from a different and more positive perspective? What could you learn?
• How do you feel about forgiving yourself so you can move on, release your suffering and find peace?

2. If you were to accept that the future is always uncertain, and you have to embrace it as neither good or bad, how would that change the way you might see the present and the future? Accept yourself for who you are and not who you are not. What exactly do you have to worry about if tomorrow holds so much promise and new opportunities for you to grow and thrive?

3.  What difference would it make if you were to lead your life in a mood of gratitude?  This is not about being thankful, it’s a perspective born of valuing your life and seeing it as a privilege, a mystery to appreciate and enjoy. Watch this video by Louie Schwartzberg.

Take time out occasionally to pause, take in the air and scenery, quieten your thoughts and declare your gratefulness for life.

References

Language and the Pursuit of Leadership Excellence by Chalmers Brothers & Vinay Kumar. New Possibilities 2015
Coaching to the Human Soul Vol 2 by Alan Sieler.  Newfield Australia 2005