Being Authentic

PRACTICE GUIDE – Inside-Out Energy

What is Authentic Leadership?

The word “authentic” originates from the Greek word “authentes” meaning “one acting on one’s own authority” i.e. that we are the writers of our life story, the authors of our actions and behaviours. Being authentic is being and acting consistently with who we hold ourselves to be; for ourselves and others.

If we say the opposite of what we feel it will eventually have an impact on our health and the affinity or affection we can feel for others. We will begin to see ourselves as incapable of trust and feel deceitful or ashamed of yourself. Hardly someone we would want to follow. It’s important that we can freely communicate our experiences and how we felt about them. We then come across to others as real. But it’s not about being unpleasant or hurtful, so we need to choose our words carefully. Nor do we want to just say things so we look good or feel connected. 

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself”. – Friedrich Nietzsche

It simply means being honest, open, transparent and consistent when expressing yourself naturally and being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about having the confidence to not hold back in expressing your feelings and having no fear of failure or embarrassment. You are not comparing yourself to anyone else.

“Until you make your life your own, you’re walking around in borrowed – Warren Bennis

You will be sincere, competent and reliable when doing the things you love and fulfilling your promises. It’s about your integrity, being open about what you care about. But this may require you to rethink your Life Movie and re-invent your Way of Being. You may not have the whole truth, but you can be committed to finding it.  Being authentic can be an aspiration or intention that you are seeking to realise that makes you an effective leader of your life. 

So What does it mean?

It’s composed of confidence, personal power, and autonomy. You make full use of your human capacity to convince others that you are there for them. You are someone who others want to trust and respect. It’s not a measure of performance, it is a feature of what you give, and how you act as a leader to connect with expectations those who share your values and goals.

“We tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others, while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are visible to us.” – John Godolphin Bennett

Listen to this video talk by Caroline McHugh.  As well as being inspirational, she explains the essence of authenticity, why it’s important to our humanness and how to develop it as we take responsibility for how we lead our life.

As an observer of your Way of Being you have the power of awareness so that when you do or say something, you are choosing how you do it and how you say it so that it is a reflection of what you care about. This means stepping back from difficult situations and asking yourself.

• What exactly is it?  How do I feel about it? 
• What makes sense? What else could it mean? How is it true for me?
• What should I do now? Can I commit?

You will discover the power of your being when you open up and speak authentically to connect with another human being. It takes commitment and practice to listen without judgement for another person’s authentic voice.  You can then connect at a deeper human level, connecting as human souls. Respecting each other’s autonomy gets at the thoughts that generating feelings, assessments, and actions.  This provides clues to what is important, what matters and what you each care about.

When you are being authentic you are declaring your capacity to notice and choose your Way of Being.  You notice your inner dialogue and can name the feelings you are experiencing and need to control.  You have the confidence to make conscious decisions about what you will do and say to fit the context you find yourself in.  You will look for the impact you are having on them to adapt or adjust as appropriate. It’s your choices that reveal who you are and who you want to become.

Now What?

Consider trust and authenticity together, as it’s difficult to trust someone who you think is not authentic.  It’s not a role it’s how you live your life.  It’s how you behave without thinking.  It’s instinctive and remains when under pressure and you have to stand up and hold yourself accountable – no excuses. You can help yourself by not gossiping, faking your concern or making promises you cannot keep.

It is worth reflecting on any illusions you are carrying around in your head.  For example, you are not your role, position, wealth, qualifications, the car you drive or the clothes you wear.  When seen from an ontological perspective you are not your ideas, even the contents or structure of your thinking. Everything about you is dynamic. Your body, self-image, and feelings are constantly changing. So who are you really? At the deepest level, you have a soul, consciousness, mind, intelligence and energy. This is no longer just ancient wisdom, as the new Complexity Sciences are confirming.

“We have the ability to create choice by altering our interpretations of the world”   – Sheena Iyenger

Human Ontology is teaching us that we are only our senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feelings) revealed through our language, moods, emotions, and behaviour.  It’s your Way of Being that determines how authentic you appear to others. It’s how you turn up to lead your life.  It’s your life experiences that produce the metaphors you think with. It’s like banging your head on a brick wall. The feeling follows the thought.  To come across as authentic you have to “be” authentic. Similarly with leadership.

Practices

1. Look through the list of words below and consider which of these characteristics would you (honestly) apply to your n did you let someone down? When did you fail to keep a promise?

Sincere  |  Genuine  |  Trustworthy  |  Honest  |  Consistent  |  Dependable  |  Compassionate  |  Respectful  |  Reliable

2. What gets in the way of you “being” authentic in the way you lead your life?

3. When you think about how you became the leader that you are today, what experiences stand out for you? How are they connected to you being, or failing to be authentic? What skills do you need to work at?

4. As you are predisposed to “be” authentic in your Way of Being, what changes would you want to make to:

• How could you use language to get commitments from others?
• What mood state would you adopt to come across as authentic?
• What body postures and gestures would you need to practice?

5. What are the things you want in your life for their own sake, and for no other reason?

They will be things that make you feel contented, whether you were unsuccessful at achieving your goals or not.  Think carefully, theses are things that you don’t need in order to feel validated or approved of by others. They are your authentic motivators.

6.  Think back over your life so far and identify a relationship where you found it difficult to connect with someone or felt you could not be honest with them.  If you had a chance to go back, what would you want to say now that you couldn’t at the time?

For example, you may have blurted out “please don’t interrupt me”, whereas today you might want to say “I’d appreciate it if you would allow me to finish my point” – said in a calm and non-condescending tone.

References

The Art of Authenticity by Karissa Thacker.  Wiley 2016

Connect by Lyn Boyer. Affective Leadership 2011

Conscious Business by Fred Kofman. Sounds True 2006

Self Leadership by Andrew Brant & Ana Kazan. McGraw-Hill 2013

Clarity by Jamie Smart.  Capstone 2013