LIFE LEADERSHIP DOMAINS

MOOD MANAGERS
– Facing Facts
– Exploring Possibilities
– Embracing Uncertainty
– Seeking Growth

REALITY CREATORS
– Emotioning
– Presencing
– Relating
– Languaging

MOVIE MAKERS
– Inner Producer
– Inner Director
– Inner Scriptwriter
– Inner Actor

ENERGY PRODUCERS
– Inside-Out Energy
– Outside-In Energy
– Top-Down Energy
– Bottom-Up Energy

Learn how to create conversations and stories that make sense of reality and your desired future.

“Every man invents a story for himself which he then often and at great cost to himself, takes to be his life.” – Max Frisch

Life happens in conversations and stories. We create our life from the words we choose to interpret our experiences. They create our “world” or the reality we then use in our relationships with other people. We choose words to express our deepest intentions, feelings, thoughts, and concerns. These words become the script that turns into the stories that we live our life in. If we want to change the quality or direction of our life, and benefit the lives of those we care about, then we have to change the script we use to live in a different life movie. For example, seeing events as positive or negative and adopting an active or passive voice.

Your life movie makers

When we envision something we’ve had or want to experience we create a compelling story about it that appears in our heads like a movie where we see ourselves in the lead role (associated) or behind the camera (dissociated). When we commit to it we look to our Inner Producer for the vision and commitment to make it happen.  Only our thinking makes it so. We invite our Inner Director to use our imagination to make the story more dramatic or interesting. We can create new mood music as our movie moves into more complex frames with multiple perspectives interlinking into one plot that we are happy to perform in.

Getting the story right, so that it has coherence and meaning, we use our Inner Scriptwriter to generate new thinking, actions, and authenticity. Our Inner Actor seeks to interpret how best to bring the imagined life movie into the real world. To do this you have to care about the outcome you want to see and the language that will bring it to life.

Life stories

The classic format for a life story is the “hero’s journey”. The elements in this story are fundamental to understanding the key features of a life lived and learning the lessons on the way. Our brains are ideally suited to remembering many stories that allow us to make complex connections that we can place on a timeline, linking causes and effects.

But to remember what we said, what we were wearing, what the weather was like, etc., we are creating a movie or a series of still pictures, some stronger than others. This is our inner observer, bringing together a collection of thoughts, memories, feelings, and actions from many different experiences and create a coherent story.  These stories give us our identity, they motivate our learning, convey our values, help us remember and make sense of our being and our life purpose. We tend to hold onto and share the stories that we care about and connect them with the concerns of others.  Shared stories are the glue that holds relationships together

Making declarations

Life Movie Makers tend to have a clear and simple story of what they want to achieve with their life and see their story as the challenging and happy experiences involved in trying to get there. They can tell their story with a clear sense of purpose and with the end in mind. It is our Inner Director that keeps us focused on how to move from where we are now to where we want to be. To embrace change we have to be clear about what we need to do and what we don’t want, in order to live in our preferred movie.

Life leaders make declarations to themselves and others about what they want from life to keep them committed to the actions they need to take to stay focused in pursuit of their goals.  Promises help us commit and find the will to do what we say. We learn the importance of trust in relationships and the importance of doing what we say. We use offers and request to help us gain the support of others, and demonstrate our competence to help achieve what matters to us.

Avoiding breakdowns

To help our Inner Scriptwriter find the language needed to create the moods and relationships that will make a difference we need to strengthen our storytelling skills. The danger is that we latch on to other people’s stories. This is not wise if we want to create new life movie for ourselves, one where we are looking for others to act in. Try composing a compelling story about what you care about.  The flow of thoughts will be disrupted by “what if” and “then what” questions which raise concerns, defy logic or lack passion. We can practice

Try composing a compelling story about what you care about.  The flow of thoughts will often be disrupted by “what if” and “then what” questions which will raise concerns, defy logic or lack passion. Therefore, we need to practice ways of avoiding these “breakdowns” by looking for stories that will inspire us, are compelling to others, will overcome our struggles, get an emotional reaction and are engaging enough to secure the involvement of others. Develop your Inner Scriptwriter by practicing story writing until it becomes second nature to you, use conversations to explore new possibilities or speculate on alternative futures.

Creating a new reality

“Stick to your story and you’re stuck with it”  Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)

We live and die by the stories we create about ourselves and the world we perceive ourselves living in. If we believe that by treating others the way we want to be treated then our story will reflect our authentic selves. Being sincere, reliable and competent then becomes part of our worldview, mindset, or frame of reference for the thousands of decisions we have to make every day. If we believe that other people are not to be trusted, this will create a different reality. Our Inner Scriptwriter is influenced by our inner Producer when that declare what we want to happen, what we want our life to be like, or why particular relationships matter to us.

For example, when we see someone ‘being’ a leader, exercising leadership or when we have experienced being led ourselves, we are observing the way they use language, their mood state, emotional intelligence and physical presence to influence and engage us. Consequently, when we observe ourselves exercising leadership we know how to use active language. We can see how cooperation and commitment get’s action from others to create the reality or story we imagined for our life movie. We know what to ask for and get the promises needed to achieve what we want. All this happens from the few words that come out from our mouth. It is our Inner Scriptwriter working with the declarations made by our Inner Producer that creates the story that’s important to us. It is then our inner Actor that interprets and delivers the “script” and receives guidance on where, when and how it will be communicated by our Inner Director.

It’s an illusion to think of language as only words that are a reaction to events that come to our attention from the outside-in. How we think, feel and relate to others results from the internal conversations that take place in our minds between our Inner Scriptwriter, Director, Actor, and Producer. We could argue that we are always living in language and so are creating our reality from the inside-out as we make sense of what’s important to us. This is why we struggle with dilemmas. We have to find the words that enable us to make sense of the what matters to us and what action we can take to achieve it,

“There is no reality in the absence of observation”  Albert Einstein

Words generate action

Without a script that tells a story our words would pretty meaningless. When for example we say, “I promise”, we are not just making a commitment to do something for someone else we are also making a promise to ourselves to take action and hold ourselves accountable for doing so. If we let others down we are letting ourselves down. Our words give us real power and shape who we are and what we become.

Our integrity is built on the simple principle that words hold us accountable. Others are assessing how authentic we are and if we can be trusted to do what we say. It’s the form of words constructed by our Inner Scriptwriter that constructs the meaning and commitment for a ‘contract’ that wasn’t there before.

Words generate action, they don’t just describe things that already exist. It is ur thoughts that generate words that generate more thoughts and more words, etc., etc. Words in the form of promises can make things happen. They are the type of language that can create new worlds and are a fundamental skill that our inner Scriptwriter needs to develop to be effective in helping us create a new life movie.

“Change the conversation, change the world”  Dan Leahy

It’s as though we say the word “tree”, and a physical tree appears in our minds and in the minds of others we are in conversation with. But it may not be the same picture or generate the same meaning or emotional response. That is determined by how it fits into the stories created by other people’s Inner Scriptwriters. They will mean something different in their own life movie. This is not just semantics. The script we choose has profound implications for the way we communicate, relate and lead our life. Misunderstandings can easily destroy relationships. As Stephen Covey reminds us we should “seek first to understand” other people’s stories before sharing our own.

Mastering the scriptwriter’s art

Leaders create the future through the way they use language. By mastering the power of active language, we create the script for the future we want to see. It’s powerful stuff. Successful leaders know how to use stories and language in this way. Observe the way you use a range of what John Searle calls basic Speech Acts as they become players in our life movie.

Language becomes even more effective when we know how to use it precisely to get action and use the power of subtext. When given, a word it is assessed and tested for its authenticity and veracity. Our reputation and the quality of our life can depend on being clear about what we mean. The skills of our Inner Scriptwriter are needed to tell a good story and select the words that will have a bearing on how successful our inner Producer is in generating the momentum to create our best life movie.

This might seem trite and obvious but think about it. Once those words are in our head our inner Actor can bring them to life and the consequences flow. When they come out of our mouths and are expressed with integrity and authenticity we are happy when others choose to act on them. If we are not being honest and our story is incoherent, then the consequences could be seriously damaging. More careful use of language gets more predictable outcomes.  As the old wartime adage goes “careless talk can cost lives”. In this case, it’s your reputation that dies.

Creating images from metaphors

Our inner Scriptwriter is constantly moving time backward and forward to make assessments to achieve the best interpretation and communicate meaning in every moment. For example, to make sense of something we are looking for the story by asking:

What did we notice just before something happened?

Where could that assumption, idea, or belief have come from?

We then project our assertions into what could happen next. We are trying to locate what’s happening. Is it in our relationship with something or someone, or is it in the situation we found ourselves in at the time?  To make sense of the complex interactions and competing pictures coming into our heads we seek clarity by searching for a pattern of meaning to consider alternative thoughts and converting them into symbolic forms or metaphors.

“We live in extraordinary times, times that seem to call for a hero to lead us out of the web of dilemmas in which we find ourselves. But what if these times call for imagination, the ability to look at what is and ask different questions, questions that evoke dreams instead of nightmares?”  Dan Leahy

The power of adverts lies in the story they present, making associations of what the experience will feel like, then finding a mental picture where words cannot fully express the deeper emotional connections that we can make from what is a sensory experience. The Practice Guides will help you find a number of techniques for questioning people to get at their deeper feelings and intentions.  It will offer you insights into why people say and do the things they do.

Intervening in your life story

If you choose not to “lead for life” then your story just self-organises to preserve and adapt to a well-established pattern that becomes your identity. Your inner Producer then seeks to maintain existing relationships. This is your “comfort zone”.

But if you follow the principles of Second-Order Learning you enter the “change zone” and move into a self-authoring frame of mind as you start to observe more and ask:

• How am I observing things? Why that way?
• What is happening in me that is causing me to observe things the way I do?
• How well is my way of observing serving my best interests?
• What is important for me to change my Way of Being that will serve me better?

The diagram below shows how most of the time we reflect on what action we can take to get a better result, but if we want to rewrite our script we have to see our intentions and actions differently. That means shifting the words we use to give our observations new meaning. This requires a new Way of Being to turn us into a new observer where new actions can be justified from which the results we want can be generated.

Your mind has an Inner Scriptwriter that produces the language you use to create your reality and direct your life. It’s this “script” that gives generates your worldview and intentions. It also reveals your values, creating beliefs from which you make sense of the world and guide your choices. Conversations and experiences produce stories that appear to you like movies.

All of life’s interactions are scripted – consciously or unconsciously. You constantly compose and interpret events around what you think, see, hear and feel at the time. When your imagination changes the “script” you experience a different reality from which new possibilities for action emerge.

Fundamental questions raise new dilemmas that create diversions from the main story. To give the story a place and context, the “scriptwriter” lays out a rich backstory and a scenario for a preferred future.

Scripting a Life Movie

Life is complex. Human needs conflict and are interrelated. For example, we engage in work and relationships that meet our needs but are not always satisfying. What’s important is that we know what matters to us when facing difficult decisions. If we are not driven by our craving for possessions, we can find satisfaction in close relationships, self-reliance and deep gratitude for nature.

Life as Complex and Dynamic

Life emerges from different perspectives in mind-created movie that brings together assertions from our past, assessments made in the present and declarations for a desired future.

Loops of Cause and Effect

A classic metaphor for a life story is the “Heroes Journey”. The elements in this story are fundamental to understanding the key features of how life is lived and the lessons that are learned on the way. Our brains are ideally suited to remembering many stories from which we make complex connections that we can place on a timeline, linking causes and effects.

When we try and recall what someone was wearing and where they were at creates a movie or a series of still pictures, some stronger than others. Our Inner Scriptwriter brings together a collection of thoughts, memories, feelings, and actions from many different experiences and creates a coherent story. These stories give us our identity, they motivate our learning, convey our values, help us remember and make sense of our being and our life purpose. We tend to hold onto and share the stories that are important to us and connect us with the concerns of others. Shared stories are the glue that holds our relationships together

Breakdowns in the Flow of Life

To help our Inner Scriptwriter find the words needed to make a difference in the quality of our lives we need to strengthen our storytelling skills. The danger is that we will only replicate other people’s stories. This prevents us from creating a new life movie for ourselves. If we do not play the lead role in our own lives we only have s amll part in the lives of others.

Try composing a compelling story about what you care about. You’ll find the flow of thoughts gets disrupted by “what if” and “then what” questions. They raise concerns that defy logic or lack passion. We can only avoid these “breakdowns” by scripting stories that inspire ourselves and compel others to act.

Explore the self-authoring mind with Prof Robert Kegan.

References

Writing Subtext by Linda Seger. Michael Wiese 2011

Metaphors in Mind by James Lawley & Penny Tompkins. The Developing Company 2003

Change the Conversation, Change the World by Dan Leahy.

The Innovator’s Way by Peter Denning & Robert Dunham. MIT 2010

Words that Change Minds by Shelle Rose Charvet. Kendall/Hunt 1997

Every Word has Power by Yvonne Oswald.  Beyond Words 2008