LIFE LEADERSHIP DOMAINS

MOOD MANAGERS
– Facing Facts
– Exploring Possibilities
– Embracing Uncertainty
– Seeking Growth

REALITY CREATORS
– Emotioning
– Presencing
– Relating
– Languaging

MOVIE MAKERS
– Inner Producer
– Inner Director
– Inner Scriptwriter
– Inner Actor

ENERGY PRODUCERS
– Inside-Out Energy
– Outside-In Energy
– Top-Down Energy
– Bottom-Up Energy

We generate a world of our own from the distinctions and interpretations we make about who we perceive ourselves to be and our relationship with the world at large.

As the saying goes, the only things we can be certain about these days are death and taxes. However, there can be high-levels of certainty when the assessments we make are well-grounded. If there is widespread public consensus then a reasonable assertion can be made. But you may still have doubts. Failing to accept the uncertainties of life is what unsettles us and generates anxiety and frustration. Accepting uncertainty is a challenge but it can stop us living in a limbo state of doubt and confusion.

“Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.”  – Voltaire

The thing about uncertainty is that despite our plans we seldom end up where we expected. Life is a journey of unpredictable ups and downs. This is because no pattern of connections can survive the next change, when just one more snowflake can produce an avalanche. To a rational mind, when an existing pattern of expectations is not met it can be unsettling and cause anxiety. But emotions are self-generated and some more significant than others. The priorities and choices are ours to make. 

We are constantly challenged by an environment of continuous change to reframe our assumptions, relieve our anxieties as we seek to make sense of them. Wondering about possibilities works better for us than anxieties generated by doubts and concerns. We can get  stuck in our fears and resentments.

“If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts. But if will we begin in doubts, we shall end in certainties.”  – Francis Bacon

Navigating Complexity

Sometimes the goals we set ourselves, will not be the ones we eventually act on. Making sense of things after the event allows us to make them appear clear, controlled and rational. At the time, we absorb uncertainty and deal with change as it emerges.  We engage in a cost-benefit assessment before choosing a way forward. But it’s no good fooling ourselves that everything is then under control. We enter a process of observing, inquiring and acting. that values the relationship between things.

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.”  Albert Einstein

When control and predictability aren’t possible we are forced to ask “what” exactly are we observing and what does it mean to us? We are reviewing our beliefs and their importance to us now and their viability should circumstances change in the way experience suggests. How we read it depends on our Way of being – our distinctions, concerns, instincts and what is true for us.

The late Doug Silsbee talks to Joel Monk from Coaches Rising and the nine perspectives on Human Ontology that can help leaders respond better to the challenges of uncertainty in a complex context.

These challenges lead us to inquire into alternative perspectives to ask “so what” questions to make sense of the new information being revealed to us. How would we think, feel and act if the situation we envisage was happening in the here- and -now? This inevitably leads us to ask “what next” questions and select a preferred way of acting to respond in a way that takes us to a place where we want to be.

The Complexity Sciences guide our thinking as we begin to see organisations, governments and markets as living systems. They are becoming more open, dynamic and non-linear, creating a perspective that is informing an ontological approach to human systems. What we know about complex systems is that they adapt and evolve to deal with breakdowns in the flow of interactions. It is easier to adapt and address concerns as they arise than to deal with the chaos that results from delay and denial. The UK Government’s Budget u-turn on NIC’s changes shows that avoiding a “breakdown” of trust is more important than raising revenue.

Respecting the Global Context

Rapid technological change is generating complexity in almost every aspect of personal and professional life. This result is a climate of uncertainty in almost every institution. The resulting tensions are producing a loss of trust and a demand for transparency in relationships – socially, economically and politically. The danger is that we stumble from crisis to crisis, struggling to mitigate the effects because of our unwillingness to see the pattern of travel or adapt before our institutions and markets fail us.

Innovation and adaptation are needed to avoid chaos and to explore new possibilities. Much depends on how we communicate resolve a number of ambiguities in existing systems  – individually and collectively. The Brexit process has brought into focus how two opposing positions can be right at the same time. Members of Parliament are accountable to their constituents and the country. It is creating an existential crisis that can only be resolved by adopting an ontological perspective. In other words, it becomes a matter of conscience, culture, and integrity.

We can help ourselves by going one step deeper in our observations and assessments. Glenda Eyong from the HDSI argues that focusing on inquiry rather than advocacy is a helpful way of engaging with the paradox that uncertainty can bring. Glenda advocates intuitive questioning and looking for patterns of thinking that infer action from real-time feedback. This means:

• Being comfortable with ambiguity
• Remaining open to the unknown
• Asking more questions than giving answers
• Asking open-ended questions of which you don’t have answers
• Being open to surprises and the power of synchronicity
• Engaging in ongoing cycles of exploration to seek new learning
• Turning judgment into curiosity to create new possibilities
• Converting disagreement into a mutual exploration of common ground
• Use defensiveness to engage in self-reflection

This shift is never going to easy when vested interests demand certainty and human nature fears the unknown. But fate favours the brave. Change cannot result from the same thinking are the same behaviour. Calculated risks have to be taken as global changes are increasingly impacting on local action.  For example, Brexit is changing business strategies, terrorism is changing immigration strategies and sea pollution is changing recycling policies.

Embodying the Learning

We are being forced by global imperatives to look at ourselves with new eyes. Continuous and fast change on a global scale requires the co-creation of new ideas and insights to tackle old problems. This means creating space for dialogue and self-organisation to support innovation in design. But nothing is learned until it is embodied in new practices and embedded in new meaning.

“The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition that impels us to unfold our powers.”  – Eric Fromm

It seems to me that a better understanding of Human Ontology offers us new perspectives on to tap human potential and human wisdom by improving the quality of our conversations. We must learn how to make stronger commitments and take full responsibility for how we together act to address the things we care about as human beings. This is the purpose of my Life Leadership Project. It is built on the basic premise, that there will be no sustainable change without embodied learning. This means learning how to “be” a more effective leader of our own lives. It’s about learning from personal practice and

This website is not just a ‘how-to’ guide, it encourages self-organised learning from personal observation and active reflection. You will discover the courage to be curious and wonder about what could “be” if you were to let go of your anxiety and imagine a desirable future that you could commit to and “be” response-able for. Patience and passion are needed because learning emerges from making a commitment to practice new skills on a regular basis.

Making Ontological Distinctions

Ontology is about what something is composed of, and humans are composed of “being” something. This sense of being is known to us as something that “exists” yet we can only sense, such as growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, etc. It gets to the heart of the human condition. For example, you would not study leadership as a concept if you adopt an ontological approach. You would study what it means to “be” or “exist” as a human being that takes responsibility for their Way of Being in the world. The way language is used to describe the activities of leadership can only point us to differences in being.

Leadership has to be experienced and felt from an inside-out perspective. In other words, each of us generates a world of our own from the distinctions we make about our who we perceive ourselves to be and our relationship with others and the world at large.  Leadership from an ontological perspective focuses on our embodied, dynamic, unpredictable and unique aspects of being human. Hence we are leaders because of who we are and how we are, not because of the leadership position we might hold.

Appreciating Not Knowing

There are bound to be feelings of insecurity and discomfort when we don’t know for certain what our actions will lead to. Or when things we didn’t expect happen without warning. We can feel foolish, believing we should have known better. This can dent our confidence and hold us back from taking any risks. 

The test of leadership is more about our resilience and our commitment to learning more about ourselves as human beings. It’s about our ability to accept harsh reality by taking an objective view of our situation without getting emotional. We have to learn to find meaning in adversity to hold on to what is important to us because we “know” who we are and what we want our future to be.    By looking inside we can find our innate capacity to imagine alternative options and put them to use in challenging circumstances.  Not knowing can be a stimulus to creative thinking.

Ask:

• How do I take in and assess information?
• How do I go about testing my understanding before making a decision?
• How do I deal with my own negative self-talk?
• How do I manage my emotional reactions to events beyond my control?

Understanding how we see ourselves can provide us with valuable insights to help clarify our preferences and wonder how we could make better choices in the future by appreciating our unique strengths. How we interpret and feel about things depends on how we have learned to cope with uncertainty in the past.  It’s important than we know how to protect ourselves from what comes at us from the outside-in by realising that it’s not what it is, it’s the meaning we give to it that makes the difference.  We are taking responsibility for how we lead our lives and why others can respect us and rely on us.  If we remain anxious about the uncertainty we are less likely to learn and grow our human abilities.

Resolving Multiple Perspectives

To embrace uncertainty we have to perceive the same events, feelings, and arguments in different ways from others. They represent our truth. What’s in dispute when we disagree with each other is the conclusions we draw and the distinctions we make. These ways of knowing come four main sources.

1. From the inside-out – where they are shaped by our personal beliefs and convictions.
2. From the outside-in – where they are negotiated and have to be agreed to
3. From the top-down – where they are received as authoritative, verifiable evidence
4. From the bottom-up – where they are shared by a group that has selected the most useful to guide their day-to-day interactions.

The problem with exploring multiple perspectives is that they can all be true at the same time. We all bring our unique history and perspectives to understand what is ‘out there’. The assessments can cause conflict and discomfort as we experience our normal flow of life breaking down. Initially, we see other ways of seeing as wrong, but when we open our mind to alternative ways of knowing, we can accept that there are many versions of the truth and we choose the one that works best for us in-the-moment of awareness.

Making a Commitment

Having observed your concerns and areas to improve your Way of Being to deal with uncertainty, which aspects of personal development will you commit to?

Is it your:

• emotional resilience
• self-confidence
• strength of presence
• ability to learn from reflection
• promise management
• curiosity
• energy levels

My Thinking Tools are pointers to the models and frameworks involved in developing the above skills. You choose your own personal development path as you learn to master how you use your ontology to lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Unless you commit and embody te skills through regular practice they will not become part of your everyday habits as you look to make sense of the world. Dealing with uncertainty will require a love of learning to expand your intuition, heighten your senses and identify alternative ways of being.

Learning in a Constantly Changing Context

When you enter the realm of “not-knowing” you then have to look for information at higher levels of authority (top-down), to local relationships (bottom-up), to yourself for emotions and insights (inside-out), as well as to the world and society at large (outside-in). It is curiosity and inquiry that will generate possibilities for new action. The Human Systems Dynamics Institute has a simple questioning process that is summarised in the diagram below.

This frame of reference will help you adapt and respond when you engage with the uncertainties of life in different situations. It helps to slow down the observation process so you can look for alternative reframes to suggest more meaningful and sustainable actions. You are questioning your questions and interpreting what you see, feel and hear creatively so you can draw new insights and distinctions for consideration.

It sounds theoretical, but it simply means you are aware of how your actions are informed by your assumptions and the way you choose to interpret your thoughts and observations. If you cannot embrace and rationalise the uncertainty you are in danger of drifting into negative self-talk, a mood of anxiety and a state of continual tension in your body.

Dealing with Outside-In Change

When there is more pressure for change “outside” than there is a desire for change “inside” you, the energy available for change will stagnate. Random attempts to adjust your energy levels with positive emotions just generates more disruption in your thinking. How long does the impact of motivational speakers last? Perhaps as long as the next observation of a boss’s behaviour that is not aligned with declared values.

If the call for a change is too little and too late, no matter how good it sounds, if there is no engagement in choosing the action there will be little energy to cooperate. But if there is too much change the result is often opposition and chaos. The need for change grows but people’s inability to face facts can prevent them from seeing a way forward. They are constrained by long-standing agreements, expectations, and traditions on the one hand, and unwillingness to accept fewer constraints in order to find new ways of thinking and working on the other. A balance has to be struck which is best fostered by active engagement in solution building, encouraging new perspectives and relationships, promoting customer involvement, and innovation.

By adopting a Solutions Focus it is possible to find the small steps will move things forward.

STEP 1: Your current situation – why you are where you are and what’s not working

STEP 2: Changes needed to meet future challenges – where ideally you need to be

STEP 3: Identify options available – the small actions that contribute to the desired future

STEP 4. Observe and measure the impact – on policy and people constraints/freedoms and the results on business performance.

Embracing Inside-Out Change

Uncertainty makes us feel vulnerable. As a result, we barricade ourselves in our comfort zones where we feel safe. When we do not know what is going to happen we tend to freeze at the very thought of any psychological pain and so remain stuck in our small world of anxiety and negativity.  We lose perspective as life passes us by. We cannot seem to let go of the solace we get from suffering and so allow ourselves the comfort of believing the alternative could be worse. The anxiety we feel is not real, it’s a felt sense but it can realise itself in our physical body as stress-related illnesses.

We are therefore challenged, to find the willpower to escape its warmth of the status quo. But we can imagine what could happen if we tried a different mood state, one which allowed us to be curious and have the courage to the cultivate enough gratitude and joy from just wondering – “what if”. All said and done, the fear that uncertainty generates is the price we pay for being alive and having free will. It’s worth remembering that you may observe and feel uncertainty, but what it means is under our control. As much as we may wish it to be otherwise, life by its very nature is going to be unpredictable and unfair – unless we see it differently.  We can benefit from uncertainty by learning to love it and see it as a vehicle for personal growth and taking responsibility for how we create our life from the inside out.

To feel alive we must wonder at the diversity of life’s experiences and see the discomfort as a test of our humanness. Through our mistakes and failures, we can take responsibility for how we feel about what happens to us and be alert to the many breakdowns that can stop us finding out what self-realisation, self-worth and self-confidence feels like.

Engaging with the unknown

When we take risks we are accepting that so much of life is uncertain and we can learn how to tolerate our feelings of insecurity. To be courageous we must be aware of the potential dangers and be ready to deal with events and adapt as they happen.  No amount of planning will save us from events beyond your control or influence. It’s the choices we make in every moment that shapes your destiny. It is our habitual way of being that will shape those choices. So you need to know what your values are and what you believe is important as it unconsciously shapes your actions in any moment, no matter how many plans and goals you have in your head.

“If you see your path laid out in front of you — Step one, Step two, Step three — you only know one thing… it is not your path. Your path is created in the moment of action. If you can see it laid out in front of you, you can be sure it is someone else’s path. That is why you see it so clearly.” – Joseph Campbell

It makes more sense to adopt a perspective that focuses less on making events fit the plan than to assess each choice on its contribution to your desired future.  It captures the energy in your intentions because it means something important to you, and so captures your passion and commitment. With an emotional commitment to do what you promise yourself is vital to achieving something that you  you care about. You are holding yourself accountable for the things you requested or offered. When you make a promise, delivering it is a test of your integrity.

How committed you are to delivering on your commitments, even when you are risking that others may not deliver on their promises to you, is a measure of your ability to establish trusting relationships and coordinate complex interactions. It’s important to clarify the ‘conditions of satisfaction’ so that everyone involved knows what’s involved and what’s at stake. Without embracing uncertainty and honouring promises a new future cannot be created. The authenticity needed comes from there being an unambiguous understanding of what a promise means in terms of the timescales, resources and skills available to deliver, as well as the will and determination to do what is required to make it happen.

There is much more than self-interest at stake when making a commitment in an unpredictable environment. We must care about the concerns of all parties so that there is a strong mutual benefit and the enhancement of value and trust when delivering on our promises. We are reliant on each other to make our families, businesses, and institutions work as networks of open and honest conversations.

Curiosity and Wonder

In situations of uncertainty, it is necessary to suspend your assumptions so you can see what beliefs lie behind your ideas, preferences, intentions and thoughts. If you know what you value and are consistent in the way you look at life then you will come across as authentic. To be a leader for life you must be naturally open and inquiring. Others will then know how you will be with them and you can establish a degree of certainty in the way you deal with uncertainty. You are sharing with others how you see the world and why it works for you and could work for them. As events change you adapt to influence future events. This is known in biology as structural coupling.

When things don’t work out quite the way you wanted, or others do not behave in the way you expected, then instead of being critical, be inquiring and curious to find out why. I worked for a boss once who would bark at me to “just get them to do the job they are paid to do”. At the time I was amazed that she could not see that her attitude and inability to be curious about why they were not performing, was part of the problem. It was left to me to show some leadership in the absence of hers.

“The person who can no longer wonder, no longer feel amazement, is as good as dead”  – Albert Einstein

Needless to say, she did not last long in the job, yet moved on to another one from which she had to move on again. It is a lack of awareness that leadership is in a person’s ‘Way of Being” and not in their position that allows poor leaders to survive. Doing what is asked of you by a leader depends on the words used, how you are asked and if what you are being asked to do makes sense to you. In the website, you will discover how you can speak so that it contains perceptions and behaviours generate cooperative action, not hinder it.

Reveal your best self

It is normal to have periods when you feel competent and “in the flow” and other times when you worry that everything seems to be going against you. So don’t be too hard on yourself  Take the opportunity to observe and understand what is happening and what might be is causing it. If you are feeling down, know where the feeling is coming from and treat it as just a feeling.  Feelings come and go all the time so it makes sense to pause and consider the consequences of acting on your feeling before you do so.

It’s important therefore to fill your body with good feelings and thoughts that make your heart sing or to see yourself swimming against the tide. You are then more likely to maintain a positive and respectful attitude to the unexpected and embrace the uncertainty that strong emotions can generate. Always reflect on what your best self would do.

“First make yourself a better person, then you can think of ways to be the best possible version of yourself”  – Confucius

Barriers to learning

Learning has the effect of exposing you to the fears generated by not knowing, and the embarrassment associated with incompetence or ignorance. But learning is not just cognitive it is somatic and occurs more in the body. It takes, time, practice and commitment to learning what to do, not just to know about something. This is why Ontological Coaching is so powerful. They have three aims.

1. To understand cognitively by giving words meaning

2. To gain experience through practice and emotional awareness.

3. To embody the learning ontologically into a new ‘way of being’

Learning can be affected by negative beliefs, scepticism, distrust and defensive routines. Making friends with learning involves an openness to new thoughts, listening, respecting others opinions, a willingness to question and to be curious. There is also a vulnerability in having to admit one’s ignorance and rely on others. This what can stop you engaging in conversations and being unwilling to really listen or talk honestly, or even to relate as equals to make commitments at more than a superficial level. The Learning Tools raise your awareness about barriers to learning and what tools you can use to open your eyes, ears and senses to communicate more authentically.

We learn when we are prepared to be confused, even perplexed, and have a reason to inquire with a mood of genuine interest and wonder. It’s about giving ourselves permission to be a beginner and declare ourselves open to new ideas. We must also remain committed when things don’t make sense to us the first time we are challenged to see things from a different perspective.

“You cannot change how another person thinks. Give them the tools to lead them into thinking differently.”  – Buckminster Fuller

Living with uncertainty

Life is full of uncertainty. It can cause you to doubt your ability to cope, anticipate problems or stay in control. Transitional change inevitably involves fear, worrying about losing what is familiar to you can have a disruptive effect and dint your confidence. It would be helpful in this situation to learn the art of being curious, and wondering about what can possibly make you feel more at ease. Taking a deep breath, stepping back and feeling your anxiety will give you the feedback and space you will need to adopt a more positive and optimistic perspective.  Much of what you fear is unlikely to happen anyway.

You may prefer to resolve life’s dilemmas by taking action to bridge the gap between your unacceptable “now” and your desired “new”. This can be a driver for change but it also creates tension and uncertainty. How you embrace this uncertainty can impact on your whole life. The tension makes it difficult for you to stay open to new possibilities and make clear choices. You may be denying the truth of what is stopping you from doing what is needed. It is often your refusal to assess and accept what needs to change that can be the source of your sadness, self-sabotage, and anxiety.

But in today’s unpredictable world, waiting for matters to resolve themselves seldom works. You will benefit from embracing the uncertainty by facing facts and exploring your options in a focused way. Hence the value of developing a mood state based on gratitude, curiosity, and wonder. This ‘Way of Being’ enhances your capacity to explore and discover new solutions as they emerge from a mind that is paying attention to what can be done in that moment, not in the future. Both in life and in leadership roles, uncertainty can cause ‘breakdowns’ in the flow of daily life, but it can also help you find ‘breakthrough’ solutions.

I can help you silence those negative inner voices and detach yourself from your limiting beliefs. There is a rigidity that comes from impatience or an obsession that comes from a previous experience. Discover the power of self-awareness and live today as if it were the tomorrow you wanted. I can help you resolve your dilemmas by enabling you to observe what is really going on from a wider and deeper perspective. Obviously, there is a lot that lies beneath this statement, but embracing uncertainty means accepting the need to engage in personal growth.

“Only in growth, reform and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found.”  – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

References

Coaching to the Human Soul (Vol 2) by Alan Sieler.

Adaptive Action by Glenda Eoyang & Royce Holladay. Stanford 2013

Language and the Pursuit of Happiness by Chalmers Brothers.

Out of Control by Kevin Kelly

The Ten Second Philosophy by Derek Mills

Metaphors in Mind by James Lawley & Penny Tompkins

The Tao of Being by Ray Grigg. Element 1997

The Book of Not Knowing by Peter Ralston. North Atlantic 2010